CI 06

do is to produce a large amount of black holes in every universe, and so end their being. If you make enough holes even in a mountain, it will lose all the structure it had and will crumble. If one was skillful enough at creating wormholes (which are hopefully non-lethal means of traveling in space) then they could merge every star with every other, and erase all life in the visible universe, or they could merge all the ends of the universe together and then do this, which would surely destroy it, it would rip the fabric of spacetime along every stitch. The real question is not whether this will destroy us, but rather if this will impact the backdrop in which all of the universes hang. Perhaps, perhaps, but the switch from a finite number of spacetime dimensions to an infinite number of dimensions is the true problem.

Time ends inside a black hole, a fact which is quite certain, or at least, if it really is a portal, all the time experienced will only be a moment (which is the key unit of time), in which it could forge a link with another universe, where it would slowly process matter and energy into the other universe. But what of the rest of the multiverse, which now devoid of universes, becomes one infinite universe, with an infinite number of dimensions. But with an infinite number of dimensions, will anything happen; could life coagulate from the stray material left behind from all the universes? All the material needed wouldn’t be able to affect one another, but if there is an infinite amount of matter and energy, then it is a possibility. But black holes do affect the fabric of spacetime greatly, and then we must wonder what would happen when all of the black holes are present in the otherwise empty universe, and if these black holes are still connected, that should destroy it all. All of the black holes would be infinite in size, and swallow the entire multiverse. If people wanted to really be sure that they wouldn’t have to endure hopelessness and futility, this is merely what they would have to do.

But what happens to consciousness after it has been destroyed, how could the multiverse possibly finish this, how could it end? It couldn’t possibly end, could it? If it were to truly end, could it begin again? In all likelihood, this is not going to happen, nor is it possible, for, as previously stated, black holes do evaporate, and it could only be a matter of time before they do, which, the raw elements, could restart the whole problem all over again. It seems quite impossible for any amount of finite energy to be crushed into a piece of space (sans time, for it is in a black hole remember) reciprocally valued; how do you put something infinite within a finite being? This is even more absurd because we are describing the all engulfing black hole, which would swallow infinity, all within one space of an infinite number of pieces, all of which are needed to make a finite speck within the multiverse! It is true that as more and more matter is poured into a black hole, it becomes larger (at least, the event horizon-point of no return- increases in size) so that a finite amount is at least conveyed in finite terms; but when there is an infinite amount of stuff, it engulfs all of space to create an event horizon, and is then pulled into the singularity, a point of super-mysterious and highly important content.

Aha! I tricked you, I confused you all, and now you cannot see what a stupid series of incongruent sentences and forgotten facts have been present this entire time! It is very tedious to be more knowledgeable than most people, you have to correct yourself. Yet, I shan’t let this go on. First of all, infinite (or finite) when spread out in an infinite number of directions, is not infinite, it is finite; second, there are more fundamental (so-called) forces than gravity, so many universes would have to figure out a different way of destroying their existence, because there may be quite too many inconveniences using gravity, they may have to use quinionequity, or purple, to destroy it. While these are very strange notions, they can be realized, just as purple can be realized as a fundamental force in some universes, and quinionequity can be realized as an entirely new concept. The weak and strong forces, as it should be made clear by their unimaginative nomenclature (ha ha ha), were entirely new concepts when they were first discovered and not-so-aptly named, so it really would be no surprise to me to find entirely new ideas beyond the horizons. This alone would make it very hard to imagine the multiverse self-destructing in the manner previously envisioned, because there would be so much red tape to work through. Thus, the question of true free will, which would lead inexorably to the abolishment of pain and illusion (and thus, all of existence) will not ever be truly answered, although I think that if it were true, we wouldn’t exist, visa vie, creativity and determination. But there really is no way to truly and honestly say either way, for the multiverse is too vast and human imagination too complex to lead us to any answer. But if we did have free will, wouldn’t we all be happier, we would want to make each other happy, we would have utter control over what we want. That is something no one in all of reality has.

Even when we say that there is a personal designer (us) for each and every one of us, respectively, then they are the one’s who cannot control their wants. They themselves also have personal designers (guess who) and so the question is never addressed, no one actually has free will, for our wants and needs, which are infinite in depth, control the very root of our actions. This is not Freudian psychology; this is Choice Theory, which states exactly the same thing. There are many books on the subject, please feel free to try and understand that I’m right. But whatever you feel, that is your business, and is also the supplement to your actions and causes. Feelings drive us, we don’t drive them, just as logic controls all things, and no thing, not even nothing, can control it. Especially nothing, there are no consequences or any thing at all to it, it has no portents; it is really one of the most impossible things to understand, because there is absolutely nothing to connect it with (duh!).

Another way of saying that there is no choice is to understand that if you move in space, you move in time. This is a fundamental piece of info that has been understood for years and was developed by one of the greatest geniuses ever to be born. This, given speed at great values, or distance in large values, is what will propel you into either someone’s future or someone’s past, thus making the thought of someone choosing something meaningless. After all, moments do not change; they are exactly as they always are. This is illustrated by the fact that there is no inconsistency in history, only error in the memory of humans. In more reasonable setting (this universe) there is already a fundamental lack of choice, it is all in the program: all of the numbers in the universe that are meaningful (that repeat constantly and thus give rise to pattern) have been examined and the brain that runs the illusion (most think that this is a local god). Now sufficient evidence has been acquired to give no room for reason to doubt. Whether or not Reason itself doubts or reasons is a separate and very distinct argument.

The very minute differences in someone saying something and you hearing it, or seeing a firework explode and then hear it, are examples of how this works. But, if you were blind and went to a fireworks show (why, I can’t imagine), then you would be able to only hear the events, not witness then, and only after the fact would the information reach you. Cosmology is exactly the same way, except that in all these instances the roles of sound and sight are interchanged, because sound doesn’t permeate space, but both travel at fixed speeds. Light is faster, and is in fact the fastest (and therefore the most efficient) way of communication. Because it is the fastest thing, that doesn’t mean that we can’t make it seem faster. If we travel toward the light source, then it will reach us sooner, not because light is going faster now than it was, but because the distances are shorter than they were momentarily ago. You would think that you could in fact, catch up to light, thinking that if you can make it come to you faster than it would, then you could slow it down too, but it will always elude you, because it will always be faster than you. Even if you were to think in terms of distance, it would always be the rate of distance per second faster than you as if you were standing still, but does that mean that you will be pushing it toward its destination faster?

Applied between cars, one driving 60 miles per hour, another 30. If the trip takes him one hour, it will take you two, even though you did the same thing. With light, at the same proportion, it would have been to where you wanted to go much sooner than even one hour. Assuming light took one hour to reach Pluto if you stood by and waited for the reflection so you could watch from you small outpost (meaning tent) on the beautiful Europa, but feeling that this is too long to wait for two hours, you will shorten your time by one hour, and move closer, out about halfway in between the two points. You are essentially chasing the light, because as soon as you get moving (about half the speed of light) it passes you, even though you got half a light minute head start. It was if you hadn’t moved from Europa’s surface because it passed you at the same time it would have had you been there. Frustratingly perplexed, you continue your trek anyway (oooh, that was a bad pun). Yet this was not the only problem; before you even became close to the midway point, the light passed you again. The reason was that the light was always becoming proportionately farther from your position. It is behaving in the same principle as when you were traveling toward it, on your way for quality supplies on Mars. In both instances, it was traveling faster to where you were going because of your perspective. But, in all instances, regardless of speed, people see you in varying degrees of slowness, and the same is true for their apparent movements, regardless of how fast, which only makes the time difference more apparent for the subject, and doesn’t actually slow its progress in space.

Whether this actually makes anything easier all depends on your ambition to put up a sound argument for the existence of freedom, love, and life-I hope that you care about those things, and about the truthfulness of your beliefs, but if you don’t, then just stop reading, and walk away! I’m not being funny or cute; if you honestly don’t care, and/or are incapable of thinking for yourself about these things and still maintain that you are right, then I do think that you are doing nothing to repay the cosmic forces that created you!!

But who am I really to make such demands? Perhaps just an egotistical human being, like all of us, but notwithstanding those observations, everything is simply one way to do something other than what someone else will have done: nothing better, nothing worse. We simply look in terms of satisfaction of our goals, all of which are short term goals; the betterment of the dying human civilization, the feeding the carnal or spiritual urges or your person who will pass from all memory, or to scar our earth, solar system, galaxy, and /or universe (at which point possibilities sharply decline, for the infinitude beyond that mutes utterly any voice said in any way to anything else- much the same way of viewing the rift between life and death, although hopefully not in such a melodramatic way) either in an aesthetically excepted way (by harmonizing human benefits/ requirements with that of nature’s) or not (wars, destruction, global depletion). But, because death and the universe are finite parameters (which we have yet to fully realize or exploit, and yet have fulfilled ourselves quite nicely within them otherwise) and reality is infinite any way that you wish to look at it, our abilities are nullified. The true benefit of this is that while there is no meaning, we can still feel free to express ourselves in any way we choose; there will always be room to do just that. The one hitch is that there is no free will, a subject that will be continued in its examination.

Now, all of that really points to one thing: humans are incapable of controlling themselves. This is the central theme in biblical scripture: that humans are utterly incapable of not sinning. This is, however, a very obvious problem with the world and by no means is in actuality biblical; it’s a fact. But this also ties in with science, which has always held a barrier through which superstition has been barred access. This realm I do honestly believe is the closest place to the truth. However, like most separate facets of sacred concepts the truth is completely honest about itself in the fact that it is utterly insignificant, and rivals boredom as a highly destructive force, but without all the pleasantries of change and action; it is a very caustic idea with very little potential energy or functionality, while boredom spurs action in one direction ore another. There is one character with whom this is perfectly illustrated: Marvin the Paranoid Android, and if you have read the shockingly realistic novels (in terms of scientific ideals) you will be quick to point out that the truth is a very, very good thing, a revered and sacred doctrine by which…… I do not agree in the slightest with others on this very significant point, because I have spent far more time than necessary trying to understand the truth of the oh-so-drawl reality which encompasses our entities.

A very recurring theme is the constancy of certain things, the speed of light, god, the original sin, whatever. In our time consistency is not looked forward to, it is looked back upon, but so is the diminishing understanding of reality in western civilization (I’m being completely serious here), and we are drifting toward the notions of quantum mechanics, of spontaneous and incredible changes that happen through the course of time. We are used to thinking that things don’t exist unless we stare directly at them, except in the case of the moon, nonetheless visa vie god. Yea, we art indeed in an apostolic age. An age which defies all knowledge of itself, such is the essence of what they hold most dear, even in the western religions which hypocritically are being deified and denied at the same moment. No, we here in the west are finding ourselves now being drawn again to the Far East. These places, India, china, Japan all have a sense of cycles, a deep innate feel for the longevity and repetition of all things. Even in small ways, like anime or manga, Japanese equivalents to cartoons or comic books (although truthfully intellectually outclassing our renditions), we are becoming closer to their mind state; in a large way, the deeper understanding of the cosmos and its process.

We are all too familiar with the yin/yang symbol, as attested to by the lack of irritating squiggles that highlight spelling and grammar errors as it was written, but the truth is that it dearly means something. It highlights a very odd and overlooked portion of quantum mechanics, that which allows such interesting things as this plasma screen computer, and holograms. Wholeness is that one thing, and ultimately allows all things (even different religions) to all be separate trees and roots of thought, while being supported and firmly establishing the over-[under]-arching reality. Holograms express this metaphor with a couple of fascinating phenomena (say, “bleagh!” with me on that one). Expressly the inability for the information to be photographed in any pattern other than rings within other rings, already a sign that the subject is a very distinct class of information, and its ability to be cut into innumerable pieces (without disrupting the chemical makeup obviously) and all will retain the same exact picture. If you cut the top of a picturesque sunrise off, you lose it forever, but with holograms, cutting it north, east, west, south, or otherwise, will only produce new and smaller pictures when refitted with the double beam necessary to actually view this hologram. How this is communicated is a complete and utter mystery, but this isn’t the only way this occurs. When you do an oddly specific energizing type of action toward an oddly specific atom, two electrons escape and spin opposite each other, in opposite directions. None of that would matter to any of you laypeople unless you understood that quantum mechanics is the understanding of things on a probabilistic level, in that sense, but it has been found that exactly 50 percent of the time the spin is opposite on these particles. To just make a long story a little less tedious, the percents needed to either prove or disprove the correlation that shouldn’t exist was 49% to prove that there is no connection, and 51% to prove that there was, beyond any reasonable doubt. The percent landed squarely in the middle of these, and so the

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CI 07

debate nasally rages on. Perhaps we weren’t persistent enough for the truth, so it still eludes us. But, it is true that quantum mechanics takes the crown for a technicality because there was no hardwiring that proved there was an explainable correlation. *

There is real uncertainty (no pun in ten did [make you laugh that is]) with the work of quantum mechanics, and this is the basis on which we trust the results: they’re random. But this has been discussed, and so there is really no reason to reiterate, the world is a boring and repetitive nonsense anyway. The real problem is that all conclusions drawn are quite conspicuous. Nonetheless, the results are astonishingly accurate, and do account for the present state of things. The cosmic microwave background, an ingrained backdrop of radiation etched into the night sky, depicts those energies first emitted in the transparent emerging universe, when the clouds of stellar gas dispersed themselves, is explained by the helter-skelter nature of this theory. At first it was very hard to define any difference, a very puzzling thing to imagine, being that the universe is the ridiculous size that is obviously is, nothing could have possibly reached equilibrium, there was no time to do so in the early universe. But then under considerable refinement small deviations appeared, and so they had a clue to work with.

It is a strong belief that there was a significant burst of growth (on the order of a google-10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) in an impressively short span of time. Even taking, say 35 zeroes, there is still something to gawk at; but there already were 35 zeroes in this scenario on the other side of the zero, in the one-thousand-billion-billionth of a second this occurred. The endless power of gravity was the force used in this expansion, the negative pressure caused by said gravity propelling the reaction. Gravity is a basically infinite source of power, so this extremely unlikely scenario is really not as impossible as you would think. Furthermore, this whole process can occur an endless amount of times, causing space to swell and expand distances in a very odd way, like drawing squiggles on a deflated mural composed of several deflated balloons; by inflating any random few, these squiggles will be large and thin is places then small and thick in the deflated portions. The cosmic microwave radiation is a distinct background that roughly

draws out the galactic super-cluster ribbons (it’s a very impressive beauty), as illustrated in the simile. The hotter, the denser, and so there were significant wrinkles in this deflated cosmos, until the inflation, at which point the wrinkles became much less prominent and more shallow, see again the basic metaphor. All of the

matter then produced as the gravity relinquished its energy filled in these grooves, and clumped together to make things (stars, planets, ect.). These grooves deepened, and became set into stone. The background is basically where the galaxy clusters are to the present day, or the remnants of these systems at least (it will take time for their present to catch up to us in the future, and our present to reach them in their future). This is a very easy thing to understand, as it implies no evolution whatsoever, just that the laws of the universe behave themselves.

Many disagree on the timetable, but the same story is being told, and it is all very well agreed upon that this is the basic prehistory of our little universe. The fact that the background and the stars line up so well I think is evidence enough for the fallacy of the Bible. Why would god make a universe and yet give evidence that it happened of its own accord? If he wanted us to know, in a logically based way (the only way to truly prove himself in the minds of his creation), then he would have given things that are impossible, like the true uniformity of the cosmic background radiation, or the complete disjoint of species, or the unreliability of quantum mechanics and relativity. But no, the smoking gun has never left the barest trace of the Almighty’s fingerprints, the maze is a completely logical construct, the universe is an astoundingly rational and understandable puzzle. And, to top it off, religious wantonness could be based in genetics, the beginnings of which were started by a monk!

Life, isn’t it a comedy in which the audience can only weep, or a transcendent symbol of truth embodied in reality that is completely laughable, and indeed, absurd?


“For, after all, what is man in nature? A nothing in compassion with the infinite, an absolute in comparison with nothing, a central point between nothing and all. He is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he came, and the infinite in which he is engulfed. What else will he perceive but some appearance in the middle of this, in an eternal despair of knowing neither their principle nor their purpose. All things emerge from nothing and are borne onwards to infinity. Who can follow this marvelous process?”-Blaise Pascal

Just to add a little backbone to my wisdom, i illustrated the fallacy of religion and science. The foolishness is made completely clear by an utter retardation of awareness in regards to IT ALL. The complete picture is one that is a blank canvas, neither white nor black, because all elements cancel each other out, leaving a masterpiece that lacks any semblance of value, and holds just a sampling of intrinsic truths. IT is infinite. IT is not alive. IT is the only united reality. IT has no finite parameters. By that i mean to impress that there is not a set number of dimensions, or forms of energy, or those ways alone to make a description of IT. All IT IS is endless detail, only things that matter basically to no real entities (us/ them/ our gods/ their gods/ any measurable energy/ any measurable distance/ any of the endless other concepts yet to be discovered in any finite way) unfurled and combined in an infinite arena, so IT cannot mean anything to us nonexistent beings. IT may not be happy, righteous, or even sane, but IT IS the one and only way of a unified reality.

The little pictures, the fundamental building blocks, are also real. They signify what would happen if you were to compare IT ALL to any one of the nonexistent finite beings that swarm inside IT ALL. They are the true Atoms; i capitalize Atoms for the specific reason that they are exactly that: “Uncuttable”. They are the only candidate for the building blocks of Information Itself, and fit the job perfectly. It would take an endless coagulation of them to create a single concept. But they can hold any finite amount of information (proportionately speaking, naturally) within them, because that cannot affect their Atomic value, but animates them with all the functionality of an actual particle. Just as you cannot divide Infinity by any finite number and get another finite number, you cannot multiply the value of an Atom by any finite number and get another. But, the truth is that there is no way to separate these finite values from the Atom, they are intrinsic and necessary for the proper function and indeed existence of the finite beings. And it is because of this fact that there are finite beings at all: the Infinitely interactive Atoms in every moment, spanned over an

Infinite space-time (for them, not us), amplifies finite value onto, only just so, the plane of reality which we all have been conceived. But, because of the truly Infinite span of IT ALL, these things do not and cannot exist in a real, meaningful, or tangible fashion, on the highest plane, which is completely uninhabitable, as previously mentioned. There are Infinite archetypes of atomic stature, and there are Infinite of each of them; their reaction as a massive, albeit finite induced whole, produces the complex finite reality we see. This all happens in an instant because, as i made quite clear, all concepts of distance and texture disintegrate at that fundamental level of existence.

Now, there is a tie between science and this: many leading theorists are under the ideal that there are little beasts called zerobranes particle like constituents that are the ends of strings which resonate in a musical like fashion to produce all matter, and thus their truly musical large counterparts. But, these so-called zero-branes have no size, and thus are flatly the wrong size for my purposes, but by changing the fundamental limit for existence from zero to the-most-almost zero, we no longer have this nonsensical answer, and we can draw a few logical conclusions, which have been outlined above. Also, the most satisfying conclusion that parallels my own understanding is that all other concepts are secondary and are the products of all these pieces. However, they feel that without strings, there is no chance of unity between Relativity and quantum mechanics. The most truly odd thing is that the first discovered fundamental force is the most problematic: gravity. It frenzies and roils insanely at a certain point, at a certain size of which there are no further denominations of increment, or so they wish to believe. This is the Planch scale: a very special point where black holes can be measured in discreet pieces (so what, you say, but this is an important detail for understanding these very mysterious phenomenon [i hate that word], and again, gravity is the most difficult force to understand) and these “superstrings” can be seen. Indeed, this is a strange thing-which all of spacetime is finite pieces, not as i put it, but, there is a loophole (i love those, though!); one formulation of quantum mechanics is the Many Worlds Interpretation of Cosmology in tandem with the element of chance, which fulfills every possible occurrence, a very, very completely overarching theory.

This theory actually takes things to a different ideal: that each universe could in fact be different. We all know this, i’ve said it before, but this allows any number to be the Planch scale, any strength to be expressed in the fundamental forces, and any number of forces. There could even be more than mere dimension and energy present in these universes, leaving open entirely the question of heaven or hell, spirits, and other things beyond even the hallucinations induced by drugs or imagination (or both). Thus we need a new idea that incorporates any number, any thing as part of the whole Multiverse, which is truthfully, The Universe.

Everyone feels that there are three general numbers: Infinity, one, and zero. But zero is stupid, it can’t be the baseline of everything, Everything would be based off of nothing at all, even Infinity, so i believe that like time and dimension, positive and negative, that there is Infinity on both ends, only in a reciprocated form on the smaller of these two ends, beyond which is zero, which doesn’t exist anyway. That is the simplest way to solve the dilemma. But, let it be known that there is no Infinite number, for that is one Infinity multiplied by some form of finite number, and there is no comparison with the two and no compatibility. But i repeat myself, one is a finite number, and thus represents all finite numbers. But how is it then that there is only one Universe, if it is truly Infinite? There is no way to answer that question, except that it refers to a mental construct, classification, not true amount or depth, but that is a dead end, because our minds are material, are enmeshed in the Infinitude, and we have expressed ourselves using this word aptly before, even though it is bandied about so worthlessly (like love, life, truth, ect.) in this era. Maybe that is it; that we use something that is bigger than ourselves to try and make our ego worth something,

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CI 08

when it is worth nothing, holding only virtual value.  And if we tried to make a line Infinite, we would fail, because it lacks Infinite dimension, and because that is Infinitely beyond comprehension.


What                |an irony that

                        |Forever mystifies

Where              |and utterly


Who                 |despair-the


When               |of joy


And how                                              |An oxymoron

all questions without answer                  |a trivial pursuit

and are such simple things                     |no we say

a matter of question                              |ay, but truth is trivial

at all?                                       |is there any truth to truth itself?            

                                    |any value eternal, infinite

No, it cannot be            |and falsehood

not a possibility |all games


that any powers that be             |All plays

                                                            |all moves in the game of life

conceived or unconceivable                  |all said and done

                                                            |just a simple game

have roots, hold structure

in damnation                                         |No futility, no hopelessness

                                                            |no depth

in a world both beneath                         |no substance

and beyond                                          |all over all

                                                            |it just is

Hope                                                    |singularly

                                                            |the life of

of any truth                                           |Monad                                                           

beyond any doubts                               |the Divine


Or is it as

the old, the ancient


truth is just beyond anything but experience

in perception, in existence



stand alone?                   


Expression is futile       


except if we express the true hopelessness


of realizing the truth

that we really are




     Before going on, let me apologize for the queer spacing of the last few pages, you see, that poetry is not my forte.  I have finally decided to publish my essay on theology.  I have lovingly renamed (after consideration) it the Theory of Torpor (in and of itself another mysterious revision to this evidenced truth to my fiction of the past).  The idea is that, regardless of religion, all have one thing in common: all are based off of the fact that we are here because there was nothing else that needed doing; and so the divine ruler of this universe (not the multiverse, though) created us out of boredom.  What else can we do for a transcendent, all powerful, infinite being but provide entertainment.  Why try and create an endless list of insignificant reasons, when really each of those is merely god’s opinion, and I feel that his opinion is no more important than anyone else’s. Why should it, if he is only important to other beings, and we seem to feel that his assessment of us stands above anyone else’s, there appears to be a circular train of thought, and ultimately, neither have a purpose.  If he really was complete, he would be independent, but he is neither, and so here we are.  Also there is no reason to trust what he says, if he really has such a self esteem problem, how is not possible that there may be others, far worse than that.  This makes a great deal of sense, when we all come to grips with the fact that he has existed in this state of mind for countless eons.

     There is really a great deal more to speak of, I only scratched the surface of the tip of the iceberg.  For example: why is life so horrible, yet why is it so unexciting? Is there any particular reason for our lives to be so completely problematic?  If god alone knows the ultimate meaning, well actually, what are his reasons for keeping it for himself, the selfish bastard?  If he won’t divulge the meaning of life, doesn’t that mean that he only wants us to suffer, or to use us as puppets as (once again) his enjoyment, his meaningless satisfaction?  The answers are none, and yes, is that order; I’m convinced of this because of several passages within the Bible, most prominently Ecclesiastes 2:17, and Luke 6:43-45.  One is Solomon’s seeing that all things done under the sun are meaningless, a fact that is very obvious, yet all eternity springs forth from this corrupted seed.  The latter is a metaphoric passage from the Sermon on the Mount, uttered from the lips of Jesus himself, “A good tree bears only good fruit, and a bad tree bears only bad fruit.  Do you pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briars? The good man produces good things from the good stored up within his heart, and the evil man does so from the evil stored up in his heart. It is from the overflow of the heart that the mouth speaks.”  I base all of my disbelief on that one passage, for the plain and simple reason that evil was never satisfyingly explained; its origin, nor how it influenced anyone or anything. 

     The whole statement means that nature is greater than god, for he is ruled by his own intrinsic characteristics, that being not to sin, and yet there is a humongous discrepancy of how the whole of reality got started in the first place.  The second half is storage, the idea that things can, and are deposited into the hearts of men, virtues and evils, garbage in, garbage out.  That is a no-brainer also, just by assuming that we can take Jesus’ words at face value, a problem that doesn’t present itself here, as there is no poetic symbols nor are there indicants that there should be made noted the intent of what was stated, nonetheless we run headlong into the issue of beginnings, of who first invested evil into his “children”, so to speak, and must challenge the unending wisdom of he who knows everything on who exactly should be his primary concern.  It obviously isn’t satan, for was merely a tool, he was being used by unholy powers that extended beyond him; after all, in Paradise, why would anyone even begin to think of how it could be better?  If everything you own is red, why would you think of how to make it more red, and end up painting it all tope?  I can see why someone would prefer tope (they say it is soothing, as apposed to red), but confusing the two would obviously indicate a very real vision problem.  Satan’s eyes were broken, he was handicapped, and so how is it his fault?  To me it seems a whole lot like a defect, an inborn condition; these things are god’s line of work. 

     Doesn’t it all seem rather peculiar that while the entire focus of the Bible is the supposed justice of righteousness conquering villainy, there is no point at which this was started, unless evil itself wasn’t deemed a hazard until it brainwashed a third of his standing army (for what, anyway?) the most obvious being the prince of darkness, Satan.  But if he is the prince, who is the king, while the trinity share the crown of emperor? If all of god’s creations were a perfect representation of his existence, they couldn’t have sinned; it would be against their nature, as grapes from thorn bushes and such.  Even the esteemed Dr. R. C. Sprool, a Christian theologian, writer of Now That’s a Good Question, one of a large amount of other texts devoted entirely to the answering of such considerations, fails to see how it is possible; even though it his passionate joy to learn the ways of god, he does not come to any sensible answers regarding the origin and powers of evil.  I remain unimpressed by this, and so have understood these passages as I see fit.  It would

therefore seem plausible that in an effort to amuse/distract himself, he created a real life soap opera; seeing as how this is the only way to get any cake, let alone eat it, even if it’s fruitcake.  I don’t like fruitcake, and this is why I am an atheist four to five days a week, I would rather eat actual fruit, or actual cake

     And so, this is how I came to the conclusion of god being a journeyman through time, attempting to be and do absolutely everything, in order to establish his right as the omnipotent, all wise, omnipresent, yet mundane God that he seeks to be.  But, he already is, yet only on the entirety of history, past, present, and future.  You can divide a line into infinite portions, and they can be spaced any distance apart, and still having accomplished that impossible task, it would take you forever to divide to the smallest pieces that are possible, because it would take an eternity of eternities to divide any finite number by another to get the spacing desired.  But what if you should happen to miss a spot, leaving say, one billionth of a millimeter space between any two lines, it would take yet another eternity to fix that.  You see that it would require an infinite number of time dimensions just to accomplish this, let alone to live the lives of everyone possible, through finite durations through finite numbers of dimensions.  That is like that in and of itself, which is why there is no way to make a resounding analogy that would convey the utter impossibility of this, although we live this analogy every day, day in and day out.  You see, for him this would be beyond fascinating, even in the mundane world we live in.  It would be fascinating to be conscious of all of the complex processes going on in my body alone, much less the surrounding space or others’ and their chemicals.  Or at least to recollect on it after dying.  But he is also the god of the Bible, for that perfectly applies to at least one of his endless “infinite” aliases.  And even though the biblical god is infinite in four dimensions, perhaps even more, he is but a shadow of true existence, a projection of one point or several

points; finite mentalities.  Even if he spreads to another dimension every eon or so, he will encounter resistance, from some other form of his self.  That right now appears to be Satan, yet we have yet to know what he truly answers to.  Theologians believe that he will be overcome, and that ultimately is answerable to god, yet there is another force out there to compel rebellion, another beyond our god’s perceptions. 

However, this is a difficult thing to talk of, that his invisible soldiers are fighting a supposed war with other similarly invisible soldiers for dominion over the earth and surrounding space.  Yes, even my ideas fail to embrace this sentiment completely, as there is an entire rest of the universe out there, maybe more than that, and to make the outrageous statement that human existence is at the pinnacle of truth, existence, or anything for that matter, is pure egotism. 

     Nonetheless, it all is an elaborate game, only a trifle, yet the fullness of it does envelope one and I cannot completely blame anyone for not looking beyond it; one regrets doing so in retrospect, and it could be an instinct to preserve the virtual value of life, and thus be a survival instinct of the psychological kind.  This is most likely a stipulation for the one who has organized this game, in other words, god.  And while he did indeed create the game, or so it is said, he is also bound by this stipulation.  After all, does god ever actually give reason for heaven or hell?  No, he simply does as he sees fit, even though all things truly amount to nothing.  However, god isn’t the one pulling the strings; there is a malignant force behind him, above him, undermining his intentions and thwarting his strategy. 

     At any rate, I am not a pessimist, and am not a trusting man, so I would doubt that there are only these two players in the game.  I like to keep things interesting, and so it is my supreme understanding that there are others on par with the evil force controlling god’s moves, other mega-deities that he constantly opposes, regardless of moral inclination. And how do we know that a large sum of these so-called mega-deities aren’t under the control of ultra-deities, or are trying to rebel against them.  We aren’t even assured of our safety, religiously, because we will eventually get involved with them, and be made aware.  Also, there is an endless hierarchy of gods, all being part of essentially, an endless game; when you lose a life you continue

in the next, although as a different character with different abilities, with varied recollections of the past.

     So, while others decide against reincarnation because it offends them or because they think that it is wrong, or whatever the considerations and excuses may be, I believe it simply as a far more interesting approach to life and reality in general; and seeing as how everything fundamentally stems from the need to

be doing something, this only seems logical.  If one takes anything too seriously, he is bound to make a fool of himself, regardless of subject or generally held view on the matter.  I also know that, if people cannot see the truth for themselves, as in they are eternally in heaven or hell (carnal, obscene, and ridiculous ideas), a specific possibility that must be experienced by someone, somewhere, than I will never get my point across, especially if I go to heaven. 

     I have the most awful suspicion that I will be brainwashed in heaven, forced to be happy, even though I as myself would never be happy there.  I see this as what happens to one who loses their earthly soul mate across the void in either of the two places, and while it may be used to torture someone in hell, in heaven, you will be forced to forget, and all the tears will forever be taken away, and all sadness, anger, revulsion, etcetera.  I also see this as happening to carnal Christians who reveled in the violence and gore of video games, in the murdering of others, or other heinous things (I’m afraid that included in the above will be anime or porn!); they will be forced to let go of their identities and become eternally brainwashed into a divine cult.  Couple this with the fact that there are graduations of reward in heaven-conversely torture in hell, so then a truly evil believer could be experiencing less happiness than a very optimistic and overall good person in hell. 


     After all, you are supposed to be eternally happy in heaven, yet there is no sin; or is it that you can get away with anything in heaven, because there is no more restrictions?  After all, Adam and Eve could’ve decided to kill on another and commit suicide, burn down the garden, or pursue a reincarnation based belief system, because that wasn’t a sin for them.  Only of knowing that what they were doing was wrong, yet doing it was the actual sin (i.e. eating the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil).  I am firmly hoping for that kind of system of existence in heaven, because I could believe anything about anything outside of the universe I want, yet do anything I want to do.  Simply by stating to him that I believe that he is the ultimate ruler of the universe (he has such an inferiority complex, am I right-“you’re not a real god!”  Yes I am!!![Burning hail descending upon the unbelievers]), again, I must concede the fact that that is a very

distinct possibility-one that I am able to accept (any wise fighter knows when he is beaten) as long as he fulfills his end of the deal.  I have always fought a personal war against god, and have always been on the losing end (except logically-I totally dominate in that territory-even though I realize that it is irrelevant), so, it would be very prudent for me to draw up the terms of my surrender.  Finger’s crossed!                            


     So…math.  How?  I mean, how is it that something could be so completely trustworthy, so unalterable?  A lot of it probably has to do with essentially the properties of the universe, that a triangle will always equal 180 degrees, that two plus two is four, a detriment to talking about the fundamental pieces, because it is uncertain that they can operate in that fashion, because it takes a coagulation of them to produce concepts and even to interact with one another.  Besides, adding, multiplying and dividing are meaningless, it doesn’t do anything to them.  But subtraction, I would not be so sure.  However, there would need to be some way to interact with one another, because             otherwise they would pass right through each other, so a separate Atom would be necessary, meaning that it couldn’t just happen willy-nilly, and the entirety of reality would not fall apart; besides, positive and negative only represent one axis of possible interaction mathematically, and so it would be wise to say that there is in fact an infinite number of mathematical interactions also, each


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CI 09

with a positive and a negative, plus an infinite number of other directions. The possibilities are truly endless!!!

Again, the only reason for the apparent lack of rationality in this is what we have come to understand about the multiverse, and the multiverse all by its lonesome is one concept which has yet to be accepted by the common person. It is under no real doubts, therefore, that all I said is true. I am merely one who wishes the truth to be endless, and the only real truth lies within experience.                             *

“All experience is both simultaneous reality and fantasy.” Bato again, from in fact, the same dialogue as his previous statement. My own improvement on this monument of a statement is that if they can be equated, who can tell you that one is real, and one isn’t? Besides, people really don’t understand math anyway, equivalence doubly so. I don’t essentially believe in equivalence for the fact that we can’t see everything, and that any subtraction does not create a lacking because of the infinitude of reality itself. That doesn’t change no matter what scenario is depicted. Although, if anything was to disappear, then it would come back as something else, or even exactly the same. The fact that it could be either is something which speaks of the un-equivalent equivalence of all finite things.

Of course, everything is finite, any particular dimension is infinite, yet it is constricted in reciprocated format in any other dimension, meaning it is finite. In that sense, all infinitude is held together with endless finite dimensions, all are the projections of any one particular being, all of these characters being equal but different. Any point represents the intersection of all dimensions, personalities, and entities, because it fundamentally exists on all dimensions, in every person. That essentially requires all things to be the same finite thing, even though the history that connects them makes them distinct and different. There is no simple way to read all of this, it is as complicated as life itself; if it were any less so, it could not be accurate.

Yet, as I say that we must fundamentally exist, I know that we don’t, because equivalence is bunk, so being un-equivalence. It all amounts to which way you multiply it: all of the reciprocated forms of the self and then the infinite, yielding one, or the infinite and then the reciprocated forms, which when done more than once, yields the reciprocal of infinity, an infinite amount less than one. One is not fundamental, but the reciprocation is, and so existence of the self is plagued with the same dilemma. Once again, mathematics is cast under suspicious lighting in these situations, because the same problem holds several variations and two answers. We will never know if the order of operations really is so complete, or if it is only being worked in one light, the one which yields consistency. The same goes for science, we can never really know for sure whether consistency yields truth, or merely deception {“a mirror is not an instrument of reflection, but of deception”, and, “the source of evil.”}. But who’s keeping score anyhow; truth and lies are the same.

God himself is not complicated, just beyond our experience, but people equate truth with experience, and so we try to figure out ways to experience the truth, even though that mind frame undermines their beliefs. The essential piece that should be taken from all this is that truth is a lie, yet it is also truth at the same time, while lies are lies, a characteristic of consistency, essential for truth. If lies are true to being lies, than truth is a lie trying to be truth, meaning it is a lie being a lie being truth. Not complicated, but difficult, because we must reach out beyond experience to find the truth of this statement, which is simultaneously a lie. Is the glass empty or full; is it in between, and who really knows? {I would say something here, but this is in the way.}

Logic can be applied on the same principals as truth; it is a fundamental, albeit mysterious connection. Because all things are logical, they are all illogical. Logic is illogical because ill-logistics is logical: you can prove something is illogical only by logical process, and so illogical things are really in abbreviated form of logistical illogic. The imaginary number is a prime example of logistical illogic, yet it is still very much accepted in the prestigious field of mathematics. Also, in the same token, logical things are based on the illogical basis of logic, because there is no essential reason for the logical process that things follow, neither the logic on which it all supposedly rests. After all, things are deemed logical based on experience alone, yet that cannot be trusted; the question should be, rather, what can be trusted, if anything? I would believe that nothing is, yet that is based off of my experience and off of mortal, temporal, mathematical, and logical argument, all of which have been proven wrong as of now. As of course, I have also proven my views correct, at least those pertaining to the things I have outlined above.

Correct, incorrect, it is all rather a wash anyway. Everything will do things always as it has done things, I am nothing special, despite that I egotistically think that my views are. After all, right and wrong are detached from the above, so it would perhaps at least be nice for a change to ignore it and let us all get on with our lives, but…no.

They aren’t logical, they aren’t mathematical, and they supposedly aren’t temporal or apply only to mortal beings, so why even bother to stand on the soap box? I think that I have just made a succinct point, and will retire and continue tomorrow. Now, as I was saying yesterday, good and evil are merely perspective issues. They rely on absolutely no base form or have any beginning or end. This is true of nearly all religions, while Eastern philosophy tends to focus on balance, and on cycles of repeated motion. God is supposedly good, and there is always opposition in the form of Satan or in some other being. But how do we know that good really does conquer all things? In fact, emotions of happiness, contentment, inner peace, and love are transcendent of all religions, yet can be produced by good or evil sources. So how do we know who is really good and who is really bad, seeing as how the only medium through which these concepts are displayed is the human mind, frail and ignorant. I will not excuse even myself on that point; we are all capable of erring, even constantly and consistently.

At any rate, who is to say what is really out there, what is really good and bad, especially if we can’t be ever-present with the one who is setting the bar of standards and where that appears to put all of the going’s-on here on this small, small world filled with, logically, small minded people. People are swayed by gut feelings, coincidences, faulty or inconclusive statements, and much, much more. That is saying little of the disproportion of emotional follow-up v. mental follow through. I am not here to judge, but merely to observe, record periodically, and give feedback to the sorry masses/individuals. How do we really know that Satan and Jesus aren’t in cahoots, or even with Buddha, Muhammad, or Zoroaster? The one place that they all linger is in the mind of man, and in no where else is their presence known for certainty. I do, however, realize that the subconscious mind has power, and the will can bend reality, not that either of these claims can be made accurate (and what can be, I implore you), but to realize that the end of the world may not be so far-away, given that the signs are supposedly being made obvious, and the mental state is beginning to veer in that general direction.

This is true, I am thinking, for the fact that global warming, the book of revelations, and the large concern for the overtly spread out nuclear weapons juxtapose with all the “wars and rumors of wars” in people’s minds and as in the quote from the book of Revelation itself, could actually bring these things to pass. What is to say that the admittedly frail human mind could destroy our unfortunate-just-in-general world; they are both seemingly insignificant and yet have the capacity to destroy each other, although it is going too far to include the entirety of the cosmos in the equation. It is all based on the self-importance of man, which while necessary for productive living, as in anything else, excess could destroy us, to assume so much may in fact bring it to pass. Not that that would even be a bad thing, at this point in our depraved society, by nearly anyone’s standards our destruction would be better for the planet and ourselves. Keep in mind that while reading that, dying isn’t even close to the worst thing for a conscious human to be subjected to. Amen me. Oh, sorry for the interruption, but I have a very dismal romantic situation to cope with, I couldn’t help but agree (it is a wonderful feeling to write something that will keep me interested, though).

The end is not always as bad as the means, nor is always the means as bad as the end. Even though I can fear for the future of human existence, I know that we are, in light of the truth of an infinite universe, insignificant. Also, as good intentions of the past generations have paved new roads to damnation, the bad intentions of the generations following have been walking that highway, a facet of history. I say that not in the intent to scare you or anything, after all, hell exists in many, many forms and transcends reality to an extent: while there is indeed at least an infinite amount of hells as physical places, there is a hell in mostly every person within or outside of those places, it exist within the minds. Those who don’t have this place envisioned or outlined are generally plagued less by the same problems. There is a league of hell, and a league of heaven, one obviously for positive so-called purposes and one the so-called negative purposes. I would have to say that people, even those professing to be Christians, or Muslims, or Hindu followers, are largely in the league of hell, not by choice, but have been initiated because of the large focus on the negative. Also, as I stated before, people who don’t have a large or definite image of heaven won’t be as exited about good things.

That is a concept which was adopted from Choice Theory also, that we seek to attain what is within our perfect world scenario; what I decided was missing was the negative aspect of this understanding. Dr. Phil (please tell me you have heard of him) advocates an understanding of yourself, being aware of your situation, and being conscious of the influences upon you as well as your reactions (obviously). Awareness and defining of what is there and what is not alleviates a great deal of the problem, according to other psychological studies across the board. All that can be done at this point is to continue working in fields of science until we can discover a path around hell, a loophole that can be exploited so that the system will not break down in cataclysmic destruction. The trend today will probably be the final series of ideas and actions, especially when we are so focused on what is bad outwardly but not what is bad inwardly. Jesus said, “Do not profess that you can remove the speck in your brother’s eye when you have not yet removed the plank from your own eye.”! I, having been reared in Christian background and a fallout and removal from that past, have become increasingly aware of myself while at the same time not being wrapped up in myself. {I hope that’s true but you can’t understand 100% of anything, including yourself (sorry, again!).}

In one of the best psychological anime shows I have been watching, the main character has a total moment of self, a very enlightening situation, and the type that is intended, as I see it, to extend beyond the character and even the show to the audience. Being trapped in his giant robot-alien hybrid Evangelion (wow, they can sure pull anything together seamlessly), dying, he is chatting with the self that is in his subconscious. The more brilliant of the two stated that there is always two of himself: to expound, there is the self which is observed and the self which observes the self, and the observed is the personal shinji while the observing ones are in the ones that are merely the image others have of him, but they are all real. The character, shinji ikari, has some deep self worth problems, and so is sorting them all out within his brain. At the time, he is unconscious, and so this seemingly impossible series of events is actually not so unreasonable.

But you see, through all of this, beyond the distracting details, I have realized some things about myself that I have just been doing automatically. That would be that I have had to fulfill both selves without other people, whom I cannot trust to see me as I have seen me. I have been very aware of what I believe, of what

I have thought, and of what I have felt, and have been systematically and essentially autonomously directing and analyzing all of these different things. I realize that I have immense depth, as contrasted with others, yet my constant rambling nature might lead fools and close-minded individuals to believe that I only seek attention. That is the source of my brilliance, that I try to constantly look bask on myself objectively. And the only reason that I would even say that I’m brilliant is because others have said this. This deeply worries me-that I should be so great, when I know I’m not; it possibly is a comparative statement, but that only means that people really aren’t trying, which only worsens the situation. Again, it isn’t blatant pessimism that will destroy us, it is the tongue-in-cheek references to how far we have fallen in the past hundred years, despite that people don’t recognize them as such. Fingers still crossed here folks!

Did any of you know that the brain isn’t actually the most intelligent organ in the body? I didn’t think so. I believe that it isn’t for so many reasons, but first let’s look at the reasons why people do think that it is. They say “mind over matter” and also “intellect is how we have advanced so far in our society and our world in general.” How is it that either of these things are true? If man did truly have mental powers to control matter, then he could control himself, but is the human body perfect, are we not able to die and wither as a process of the physical and chemical forces inflicted upon us? And our society, which whenever bereft of the glow of electricity, would not the ego, and indeed, sanity, depart as swiftly? If the brain was this master control to the universe, or had any control anywhere, would not the effects be tremendous, at least as far as this planet was concerned? And correct me if I am wrong, but if man is so self centered, why is he lacking a stable orbit around himself, and order of the self; remember, the self is the basis of our


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CI 10

civilization-that which is the least civil and yet the most -ized, a horrible jumble of words that are mistakes to bring together, and yet words are still so fondly regarded.

The roots of language itself defy all intellectual examination: symbols and oration, thought and emotion. But who has pondered these things, the origin and course of information, the to and fro of all these things we say we look for in the world, yet never see. We think that we wish to understand the universe, we say that there is knowledge to be learned of each other, we feel the pull of groundless and deep emotion in our hearts, we are [not] the symbols that we use to define our other delusions as well as ourselves, and yet, as we are ascending into the information age (or declining, it’s your choice) the actual ponderings of information, and information in its purity, have yet to fill our blessed craniums!

And if people have had these cities of learning and gathering some things for their observation, and all of these four forms were used to identify with their environment for at least 10,000 years, why is it that after all, we haven’t really progressed in our general understandings? Were the Greeks the closest, oh so far and gone an ancient civilization, so long before technology gave us the time needed and the printing press the material required for such things? How about, in the East, wasn’t China for a long span the most enlightened civilization in that area…? No, India, and even the late-in-coming nation of Japan, none of them have any comments on this? Or is it an insignificant point, to wonder about our existence; are we really in such dire intellectual straights to ignore the bane of life, the greatest catastrophe to blight this world? It isn’t about the East or West now, it is about people’s insistence on creating problems, on being hypocrites, even if the basis of all these problems is ignorance. I cannot consider myself cognizant of all reality, yet am I really so far ahead? As much reason as I have at that particular junction to pause and feel proud, I can only laugh or rave about that comparison that is being made: if I am as smart as the most enlightened of the Greeks (I remain unsure that even I am that smart), and still smarter than a great bloody monty of people, then doesn’t that highlight not my advanced form of thought, but my peers and their earthly thoughts which have dragged them back down through the millenniums. I shall make a new proverb (and I quote myself, just for “the moment” thing): “Thoughts in the clouds are light and swift, while the thoughts of earth are slow and heavy, making it far harder to move forward in this race.” {niiiice, I should remember that!}

And while I can rant on about how nice that sounded and how pertinent it is, if people cannot understand this, nor do they wish to, I will ask again (and I’m not being witty/humorous this time either), “Just put the paper down and walk away!” And while I did, in retrospect, tune down the statements before by un-italicizing and un-bolding and reducing the size of the font, I will maintain my cantankerous and hostile attitude this time through! Maybe however, you can roll with the punches and so will read on… do you really have nothing else to do? And for those who do care… don’t you guys have anything else to do, just kidding! In either case, it’s for your benefit or whatever that you read this, and hey, maybe it can be stated to make you look smart at parties, why not? I know I will if I’m in such a mood to do so. I can only hope that my enthusiasm and optimism can continue into the future, maybe, maybe not, but in any case, I will remain enlightened on the basis of all things.

That basis is information, and while our brains were designed to hold and process information, I do highly suspect that this information can be either stupid or intelligent, an idea which throws all intellect into a scrutinizing lighting, as I can see. Also, as a side note to this truthfully cryptic statement, how can something, which is not intelligent, process information using efficient and effective analytic processes, and yet the information that this collates is not intellectual, or is; all information is carried in an intellectual medium but is expressly un-intelligent. The brain is a chemically hardwired computer, yet the fact that it can process lies and create illogical conclusion tells me that it is either an unfinished work, a sad, but hilarious cosmic joke, or that god is a bastard. I could go for all three, and as a general rule, do. Any takers, anybody want to call, anybody want to raise the stakes? I hope not, because this is not a poker game, this is the basis of all things! This is bigger than any game; it is the all encompassing game we jokingly refer to as life!                        *

To anyone who cares to read even further- not me by the way -I have decided to finally write about money and happiness. Kudos to Mr. Grim, I’m not sure I told you, but I guess now is as good a time as any: I am using this topic to kill not one, not two, but three birds with one stone! I actually wanted to put another exclamation point there, but this sentence takes up more space (you have a better chance of killing three birds if you have a bigger stone to throw, and I can intellectually hurl mountains, sorry to the village next door!). And, well I have a lot to say, although a great deal might not be directly pertinent to your queries, like the whole of the entire writing so far.

That’s all to change; firstly, happiness is a very elusive concept, and so many have attributed it to the annals of fiction, pessimists and cynics are prime examples. As far as the general plane of reality and life in-so-far, I could be considered to be a cynic, but this comes from a person who was born into a very good situation but later left to wonder, “What the hell happened?” That is because of my early, and frequent social isolation, with girls, with large groups, with…well that’s all; see, I don’t have as much to complain about as I thought, at least not socially. Ever since my first real failing with my love (or crush, who is to say what is what anymore) I have been emotionally unstable, but perhaps I’m being melodramatic, and I would like to think that I am; and also me and the “almighty” have never seen eye to eye since that period, although I would happily say it did make me more aware of the wisdom of the Bible because…ain’t life stupid? Its either both, or one or the other: God or existence. My general feelings are pulling me towards all of reality, but again, that just may be the stupid person who follows my brain trying to justify himself through the intellectual cynic in me; I really don’t want to be involved with the politics, I feel that they are stupid, as a reference to all politics, whether in me, outside of me, or supernaturally above me. See, even as I analyzed that, I considered that maybe its just god who is stupid, for his absolute monarchy over this small province, this insignificant plot of temporal/spatial coordinates.

Hang on!! Don’t worry, that was merely a note-to-self designed to do two things: remind me to continue writing in the face of adversity, and two, create two other time consuming objectives beyond this paper. Why I took the time to write this? To mostly just waste paper space, because I need the pages, but watch closely (read closely, same thing); did any of those things make my happy? No! Of course not, happiness is all the wants and needs being fulfilled, yet our history, our brains, and the Bible all tell us that “the flesh continually craves more” a truth which cannot be ignored; it is part of being metaphysically impure, our solution is to seek ultimate purity, attained through gains borne onward onto the impossible-to-reach goal of infinitude; humans are now wasting their time to- go right ahead and chuckle –try and figure out what increments to use! Whether or not a relationship is fruitful or not is nothing, what money you have is not enough, what food you eat is always being lost, what wisdoms one can embrace and knowledge implemented are nothing, whether or not you argue the point is irrelevant (but supposedly constructive), and suicide is out of the question, you will only live on in the next life, perhaps to be put on trial by a balloon head who set himself up as “king” among the ants!!!!! I know how pessimistic it all sounds, but I have spent nearly six and a half years of my life pondering on these things in my higher brain; oh how the mighty have fallen!

Go right ahead and laugh again, someone needs to, otherwise this would be entirely a drag. But one facet of my life cannot not affect the other, it only makes sense, seeing as all of the facets of life are supposedly joined by this plane of reality, and in general, all information is related to all other information.

To clarify one more thing, I have failed. Not that I could succeed, and in that case fail, but I am depressed, and it is because for roughly five and a half years I have relived my attempt to break my social handicap -and here’s the catch- not lower my standards. I would much rather compromise, but my cognizant form of intelligence has left me with the inability to do that; I should be thankful, it will keep the depression from spilling beyond my one frame of mind and destroying the rest of my life, but all I can do is curse my situation and try to detach myself from those experiences, even the ones yet to come. To some degree, this is true, and while it (the detachment) is constantly in a state of flux, and I wouldn’t for one second doubt that it is my hormones or something beyond my control, but that is only a loophole that people exploit so that they don’t have to change the real problem, which leads me to “now what?”

But I have stated before that there are no solutions, which is exactly equivalent to there are no problems, which takes us back to the blank slate of birth, where now we are to reinvent our identity in a way befitting of logical analysis and the general truths of reality. I suppose that after realigning oneself with the truths, one can pursue any anything to whatever end. The only problem is the ignorance that is bred within the core of such ventures, ones which are solely a pastime. But life is in and of itself only a hobby, for we cannot assure that value is meaningful to anybody any where, for we are all part of an infinite system, as deduced by simple logic. Thus, if the concept of value is paradoxically worthless, then lies mingled with the truths, and retardations of growths intellectually, and a whole host of other frowned upon beasts emerge from the woodwork. But frowned upon is the extent to where I am objective, all the rest comes from my experiences as a human being -which are meaningless, I realize- and so it is merely out of logic that wrong and right are subjective terms, yet are expressed objectively through neural chemicals, a certain fact that will remain a hopeless and pointless mystery. But, do not despair, if happiness is nonexistent, than so to unhappiness, contentment, and discontent, intellect, and ignorance, interest, and disinterest; all are mutually moot point issues. But that does in no way exclude the purported reality of experience, which statistics say, “someone is better off than you are,” and, “someone is worse off than you are.” Those two statements almost completely overlap each other, thus allowing the distinction without a difference world that we live in, oh yeah, and the multiverse and all that.

To address the money issue: see above. Money is not that important, in addition to the things outlined above, there is nothing. That settles that


Nothing is impossible: it takes far more than what it is to express it, or not, as the case may be. And that nothing be the biggest part of many ideas, like equivalence, money matters, scientific theorems and the like, speaks to me of how little we can possibly know, and at the same time, not know. But that it can be negative and positive on the same depth scale in either direction, the effects do negate each other into nothingness. Like zero in a number line; it is the addition of all the left/up/past/front and the right/down/future/back together, the product being non-existent. Thus the line, the point, the plane, and so forth are nonexistent too, are they not real because it is more than an infinite number of points, lines, planes, and different spaces to create the multiverse. Yet here we are. I do therefore propose that zero be discarded, it is a valueless icon, after all; and to raise it to any level of importance is to use it in a way that is not fitting, like trying to use steam to construct an airplane out of water, both things that should be banned because they are so unlikely. I do believe it is peoples’ fuzzy math that has a lot to do with this. They round things off, they automatically assume that after a certain point, increments do not exist. If history has really shown us anything, it is that there is always more to the story. The perfect example: if history has taught us anything, it is that people are dumb. See, or not? If not, I don’t know how to put it any other way. To say that all things are based off of this concept of equality is to base all things off of zero, and the nothingness that such a number implies means automatically that it is merely a virtual value.

Of course, all things are virtual, yet bits of information aren’t there if they aren’t, meaning you can’t make zero equal itself; the human dependence on a system that inherently has flaws is something which allows room for different occurrences. Eloquently put by the Puppet Master (a fitting character to quote from Ghost in the shell, seeing as he is a creature created from the seas of information itself), “Life perpetuates itself though diversity…Why continually repeat this cycle? Simply to survive by avoiding the weaknesses of an unchanging system.”

It would be wise not to take every aspect of this heavily, not unless you wish to immerse yourself into the animated perfectionism of these Japanese cartoons. It has been said that Japan is a country of perfectionism, and perfectionists; it is also not so surprising therefore, that suicide is at the highest in that place, a tragedy if only for biological reasons. Also, I guess they aren’t going to come here and try to improve our country, what a shame. Oh well, if I become wealthy enough, maybe I can live their, or not. Diversity is what allows survival, at any rate, simply by staving off the want of suicide, an ironic twist of fate that the Land of the Rising Sun would be the place where contemplating the Setting Sun would be most common. Perhaps they only want to know about everything, as per their perfectionist idealism; it seems rational, if not necessarily logical. Yes, I am totally into the stuff, even if it does at times strike me as constantly juvenile, as a ploy to enlighten the unreachable mind of a teenager. It is a ploy which would seem always to fail, evidenced to by the statements that con-goers have made. Oh well, life itself is only just a hobby, right?                 


So, in not-so-much-a conclusion, what?! What the hell do you people want from me? Is it really so unrealistic to verify the fact that I’m human, and that I can, and will err? Would it really hurt you so much to exercise the most beneficial body part you have, and not pass the proverbial buck to someone else? After all, we are all exactly the same, are we not, in function, or lack of; and meaning, or lack of, which would define us as a singular entity, and therefore, of one pure mind state? If it wouldn’t, I would need to see some proof beyond circumstance or statistic, which there is none of, as evidenced by implications of fundamental information of logical construct.

I have for the better part, left out my experiences as an individual, for my mind would have it that I focus on the much more necessary components of reality beyond the self, an implication of the reality of the number infinity that has slipped through the cracks in time and space, therefore also human consciousness. I have reason to believe that I have seen this mysterious mannerism’s coattails swishing out of existence in this pitiable realm, one dominated by a deep lack of interest in other affairs beyond the human or human-eske. Oh well, we shall dissipate into the nothingness of anything or something if everything keeps up on its present course, which is in no small way beneficial to us small minded sentients. After all, there is an infinite likelihood that the truth will be known, although it may only be the swishing of its cloak around the  

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CI 11

next bend, once again {maybe it should be a woman, seeing how I have basically raped the idea of truth anyhow; ok, maybe I should omit that…Nah!}. Maybe yes, maybe no, who has the authority to make any predictions about the course of the future indeterminate by such small undertakings as love, ideology, or godhood.

In no way am I sorry that the ending to the bulk of it is so shoddy, but the paper is bunk. Just face it, people cannot and will not take the responsibility of their actions nor develop the proper cerebral functions, even though resource has little to do with the argument, and also honor. Are the two unconnected, are the compliments really different if only it is the outlook of a man on the world of seven billion different faces.

Yes, messy truths support the refinement of cleaner ones, and the cleaner ones deteriorate into messy ones once again. All cycles are viscous cycles, all balances are unbalances, all parallel lines cross, all lies harbor truth, and all hate fosters love. Go now, bother me no more with Trivial Pursuit and squabble amongst yourselves for an old change of pace in those nice new shoes.                                                    *

THE TYGER (William Blake)

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright

In the forests of the night,

What immortal hand or eye

Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies

Burnt the fire of thine eyes?

On what wings dare he aspire?

What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.

Could twist the sinews of thy heart?

And when thy heart began to beat,

What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?

In what furnace was thy brain?

What the anvil? what dread grasp

Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,

And watered heaven with their tears,

Did he smile his work to see?

Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright

In the forests of the night,

What immortal hand or eye

Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

{I thought that was clever, that last bit with the shoes, *sigh*, so bored}The Tyger, aptly named for the purposes of my essay, written by the oh-so-popular William, surname Blake {there will be no more interruptions here because this is a serious essay that you will find interesting}. As it will be made much clearer, the Tyger in question is in fact not a tiger at all. It is, much as the rest of the poem, a symbolic and indirect means of conveying to an intellectual audience a deep-rooted argument in religion. It was so very concise and perfectly flawless in its execution, his poem had not one wasted syllable, it was all accounted for and stated in the closest way to where there was still nearly a direct connection between the words and their implications, indeed also to the central implications. That is not to say that it is in any small way a little poem, for in fact the subject matter is at the heart of many areas of our human existence and of course the mysteries therein. To simplify these matters greatly, it is a false tiger, as is made easily seen by the form of the poem as well as the misnomer, all in purpose to highlight the real Beast within: Satan. How is he, what he is, where is he, when he is, and why he is as he most certainly is, with no doubts in-so-far as to that identity existing.

To be clearer as mud, let it be realized that any satanic figure could be used with no further restrictions, that they would only at most push back the actual reality of the queries behind a few more political webs. Yet those considerations are completely irrelevant once it is understood the basic complexity of the answer/question duality which can only exist in fundamental circles. It is also more so a greater mystery to ponder the actual genesis of evil itself, a theme which is not lost in this epic proposal; upon observation, the whole of half of The Tyger is devoted entirely to such a central question, and there are only seven lines that do not at least relate to the first page within the first chapter in supernatural history. It does not state within any indefatigably biblical parameters the nature of this mystery. There is still so much more…

Not that anyone is looking at an expert’s opinion here within this particular facet of analysis, but there is much to be discussed in the matter of structure. After a great deal of work, it was finally realized that the only consistent theme was seven, with a pool of fuzzy mathematics and numerology beneath it; and so the generic consensus is that it is variant iambic tetrameter. For example, three was consecutive and common, six was a large factor, because three, two and one were all present as dominant or paired syllables, although three was a rare part of this, yet was present elsewhere. Four was, and two, making eight a common syllable count, a distant second to seven, which had seventeen lines of seven, while only eleven lines of eight, with one mysterious line of iambic triameter of six syllables in the sixth line. And of the central seventeen lines of writing, there are merely six of the eleven eights while conversely ten lines in the seven base, with one six that was previously highlighted.

While all of it would appear random by observing the facts, the style and syntax of the poetry makes it much more evident that it is carefully crafted. Another simple means which is more than meets the eye is the rhyme scheme: a,a,b,b;c,c,d,d;…until the final stanza which then is back to a,a,b,b. This combined with the symbols that is partially submerged in the depths of metaphysics is enough to create the entire poem into an irony of the Tyger’s symmetry, an interesting and clever means of conveying a thought by means of an antithetical parallelism.

The form is possibly a pseudo-form, a form that belies having a shape of a certain type, like an amoeba; but if this Tyger is a shape-shifting entity, how is it that it possesses symmetry? It is symmetry because it is all asymmetrical; every guise is the form of the same form, only in a different time and place, which are treated perfectly symmetrical, because the laws of the Beast and the laws of the universe cannot be changed out for convenience nor can they change in time. These things are as they were wrought in the First Firsts: “What immortal hand or eye/Could frame thy fearful symmetry?” (3-4). Also, to tie things closer, the old fashion of writing made it sound as “eye” in symmetry, a statement which could have been intended for the perceptions of a man to see it all as the same thing. Nevertheless, the case is that the meaning is essentially the complementation of both these understandings into one whole. One more connection is that of numbers; twenty-four, the lines and the number of hours in a day, given once more that at all times the fire of the Tyger’s eyes blaze with the same unmistakable wrath.

“What the hammer? What the chain?/In what furnace was thy brain?” (13-14). There is so much sustenance in these fourteen syllables; there is a great deal of metaphoric contemplation to be done. First of all, the hammer, an age old symbol for creation, for the forming of metalwork in flames, is to imply that there is need of employment of skill to create this carnal image. To juxtapose it to a chain could mean worlds, it implies the need of slaves, or that god was destined and compelled to fashion it, bound by steel chains leading through time imposing the necessity in the future for the machinations of hate and evil to be operating. Who was it that could have forged the mind from the flames that encapsulate the essence of his being, keeping in mind that the mystical number seven is the premier of the stanza? Also, it would seem that it implies more than any symbol to say “what” as in the truth that there was no such sites for the creation of demons and especially their king, that it would take a forge of power greater than that of evil, or to turn evil into a means to form unto it a figure worthy of representing the basis of its existence: fire, pure, unadulterated, destructive and yet alive.

There is one greater thing left: “Tyger! Tyger! burning bright/in the forests of the night,/ What immortal hand or eye/Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?” (21-24). There is a specific inclination in the poem, to spend all day in the furnace, all night in the forest, that it progresses on the axis of twenty four increments, a six part program, in the first and last hours straight in the night, ending back to essentially the same spot in the earliest hours or lines in the poem, thus the day night consideration. Also, the day is equated with a furnace, perhaps the sun itself, a common symbol for the sovereignty of god, while the direct focus on the darkness is to draw out the fire within the Tyger, he who ravages the forest of life. The world lies in wait at night, asleep until the coming of day, while those who live elsewhere, in the realm of the Tyger, are all awake at night, when the brilliance of the master they choose to serve is most apparent. Both of these contrasts which have been unspoken and interwoven serve to create the illusion of the symmetry of the day, ruled by the sun, and the night, the time when the hunters and deceivers are fully at work, the cogs in their mental machines operating. The forest is in fact the only living image, an oddity which is only been made obvious at night, a specific parallelism with the bleak outlook of the day which is supposedly a means of perpetuating the night, instead of the night being a means to perpetuate the day through sleep. The overall picture is that the differences are in fact similarities, and that evil operates at all times, in all ages, because the light is a compliment and supplement to the darkness. Is it so that he feels that god is a supplement to Satan, and vice versa? It is all in the symmetry of the worlds.


As I previously made note, happiness could most likely be added to the fantasy section of the bookstore, because it is so unlikely and melodramatic to have a “happily ever after” {ok, resuming interruptions}. It saddens me to agree with those who would do this, but reality, and all that comes with it, is my territory of


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CI 12

exploration. The universe and humanity are a close at hand frontier that has yet to be fully exploited, so happiness- the layperson’s holy grail –is often a particular aspect of interest.

But, to understand happiness, we need to understand all the other possibilities, in order to truly be aware to what degree we really have right to be merry and frivolous; I would not at all be surprised to find that we are not happy because we cannot understand our desires, passions, and frequent exercises that we are attempting to prove are the paths to such enlightenment. Does anyone really understand selfishness or selflessness, or even the elemental self? Of course not, existence always has a perpendicular face left unnoticed by our eyes, a reality at an angle we cannot perceive, a vast sea of infinite information that is ineffable. Every piece of information is a separate one, a unique point of reference with which to interpret all information, an act that will require all of time and space to translate completely. Now, it is impossible to say whether or not happiness is a possibility in our state of affairs, it may indeed be an infinite distance from us, or perhaps just a long way off. Who can truly say what is before it has transpired, and how can we be expected to be aware, when all that we are containing, and all in which we are contained, are utterly incapable of consciousness.

That would be unless you are willing to admit that all things are aware, are living and breathing, cognizant entities, either here or there. Either that or we are neither here nor there, in an inescapable limbo of the soul. The same is true of life, of truth, of lies, and of death. Either it is all true or all lies, or someplace where neither has any value. You understand my views on this by now. But life, the whole package, has yet to be determined to be in Hell or in death, or in heaven with certainty; it is a much grander complex, a stand alone complex, one that exists in copies yet has never truly had an original to be copied from, one where the values are varied and the outcomes a product of fate or luck, yet with a semi-residual paradoxical pattern of a supposed implicate order, one of holiness, purity, and perfection (things, I can assure you, are vastly different at times). Again, all categorizing attempts have only failed dismally, all attempts at ignorance an expression of this inability, the ability to realize certain ideas and convey them is not possibly ignored by all of one’s consciousness at any moment, however it may be the will of the explicate self to try and deny the image of truth in its purity, as information with nothing attached, as a Gordian knot of chains that drags you down into the inertia of infinite resistance; a property that disallows the interaction of these bodies, even though they are all connected by the plural singular chain of bondage associated with this phenomena of Stand Alone Complexes.

So, in essence, Cause and Effect, the Grand Arcanum of laws passed down in our civilized mind as a collective, is as wrong as an 800 year old Babylonian prostitute, yet as right as and angle of 90 degrees, both things which are surprisingly related by FLCL, another anime. What caused all these things, oh something all right, but it was nothing, literally. Remember that nothing, something, anything, and everything are all equivalent, in all forms: X, 1, 5, 0, and of course infinite numbers as well. If you can’t remember because it was supposedly unwritten, then I’ll only let you read the previous material so as to not completely waste your ability to think for yourself and figure things out. Even wrong ideas are wrong for a reason, and all these reasons are logically illogical, so don’t be illogically logically illogical (i.e. a dumb ass) and try to let it right itself. That mentality led to the 800 year old prostitutes: “that if I do what I can to get by, the world will fix itself.” It takes affirmative action, geniuses!

However, if all things, no thing, some things, and any things are all/some/not/any wrapped in these chains of infinite weight, how can anyone or anything be anything more than a link in the chain? That is the hard fact, which is barely an opinion, and a bare lie, being a hard truth. Don’t act like now I have lost it, remember, I lost it six years ago, and I still remain unsure if I ever had it at all. My insanity, that is, I’m mildly predisposed to disincline that I am sane, so that is the perfect excuse ratifying that I am indeed sane. I told you, I have never been really sure of if I have ever been insane, but ere go my recent fascinations, I cannot deny that I have at the same time never ever have been sane.

Yes, logic and faith, both things which are the same one, yet seem also to be without. No one truly has faith, because if someone really had absolutely no reason to believe, then they wouldn’t. It is an illogical phenomenon, faith, but one of logical process. But again, it is one of these two options, one of certainty of either, or one of uncertainty that disallows either to be certain in any form, thus rendering them useless. But if certainty and uncertainty are all part of this, then they too must exist, regardless of value. Either we ascertain that the truth exists beyond any mental function, or that it has no meaning anyway. So, is there life, truth, logic, or happiness? Is it certain, knowable, perfect and simple? Or are all descriptions meaningless, pointless entities which don’t exist at all anyway?

At any rate, information exists. Period. That is the only indefatigable truth. But “is” defines it; it gives this thing, this imperceptible, transcendent, fundamental point a word, and so much more. It allows truth, a truth that is truly pure of lies. It is part of the details, they are inseparable. But, if the reciprocal is only as it is within the context of coagulation, of finite number upon finite number, then it comes as no surprise that the infinite only can be viewed as the same, even though it is extremely different. I suppose it is the small minds at work on this problem, the ones unable to accept the asymmetrical standard of time, are not willing to separate the small and the large, nor are they clear on the middle number, just as people are ironically separating the past, future, and now even though they are the exact same entity. Yes, the infinite is one infinite, nothing more, nothing less, while the finite can by any value, only some part of the infinite value, so statistic and probability are meaningless, although present, concepts. Then the reciprocated form is attached to finite value, as it has to be. The amorphous nature of finite value systems as contrasted with the infinite whole leads to a major confusion at this point because all the systems are in some way finite. Infinity is given the value as one, completely speculative value as one can be anything times one, only proportion is affected, also a contemplative instrument because it is all the same proportion to real infinity, but not reciprocal, even though that is the proportion.

No, no, all of these systems are equal in measure, their spheres of influence reaching into one another at fundamental metaphysical structure. But they are not the same. This is so beyond anything I can understand how the structure, when altered only slightly, when two of the three factors are interchanged, the beast is very, very different. Finite numerology is definitely the definitive factor in all three, particularly the first two. The infinite is proportionately different from the reciprocal by an unbridgeable gap, infinity squared, a meaningless conjecture because it must be simplified, when multiplied to its reciprocal equals one. Same inversely, for the reciprocal to infinity, its proportion being an impossible number, one over infinity squared. Finite reality is the most self definitive, its proportions are realistic and its value indefinitely definite. It is the most mysterious, mostly because reality cannot exist beyond the plane which we inhabit, not in the sense of infinite in its greatest form. Nor also in the most fundamental sense, consciousness cannot arise there either, not infinitely full consciousness.

But do we have full consciousness, do we really? In the sense that we can experience all things, yes, but this cannot happen to everyone, we all must be biased, molded, and most appropriately, finite. We can have experience, in any way; it is the statistics that tell us that this happens to everybody, throughout the entirety of time. It takes true eternity to appreciate this, but we are infinite, there is always a part of us left to discover, and always a part to leave behind in someone else. But we have to rearrange all these different pieces in all their different forms for this to really have any achievement. Why is it not realistic, therefore, that there are an infinite number of people, and an infinite squared number of people, and infinite cubed…But these are unrealistic numbers. Therefore we are left exactly where we started off, realizing that truth is impossible, or logic, faith, all of these things. But reality is; it is infinitely in all moments the same infinity. It is the sum over histories that are reality which is impossible, yet it is the only constant. Again, my tiny mind cannot fathom reality, or any individual piece of it, for that matter. Nor can it make sense of the fundamentals. Therefore all things are as real as they are fake, as true as they are a lie, as uncertain as they are certain, as obvious as they are hidden, as left as they are right, up as they are down, forward as they are backward, as right as they are wrong. It is only as it is not. Perhaps zero isn’t so impossible, perhaps it is.

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