CI 08

when it is worth nothing, holding only virtual value.  And if we tried to make a line Infinite, we would fail, because it lacks Infinite dimension, and because that is Infinitely beyond comprehension.


What                |an irony that

                        |Forever mystifies

Where              |and utterly


Who                 |despair-the


When               |of joy


And how                                              |An oxymoron

all questions without answer                  |a trivial pursuit

and are such simple things                     |no we say

a matter of question                              |ay, but truth is trivial

at all?                                       |is there any truth to truth itself?            

                                    |any value eternal, infinite

No, it cannot be            |and falsehood

not a possibility |all games


that any powers that be             |All plays

                                                            |all moves in the game of life

conceived or unconceivable                  |all said and done

                                                            |just a simple game

have roots, hold structure

in damnation                                         |No futility, no hopelessness

                                                            |no depth

in a world both beneath                         |no substance

and beyond                                          |all over all

                                                            |it just is

Hope                                                    |singularly

                                                            |the life of

of any truth                                           |Monad                                                           

beyond any doubts                               |the Divine


Or is it as

the old, the ancient


truth is just beyond anything but experience

in perception, in existence



stand alone?                   


Expression is futile       


except if we express the true hopelessness


of realizing the truth

that we really are




     Before going on, let me apologize for the queer spacing of the last few pages, you see, that poetry is not my forte.  I have finally decided to publish my essay on theology.  I have lovingly renamed (after consideration) it the Theory of Torpor (in and of itself another mysterious revision to this evidenced truth to my fiction of the past).  The idea is that, regardless of religion, all have one thing in common: all are based off of the fact that we are here because there was nothing else that needed doing; and so the divine ruler of this universe (not the multiverse, though) created us out of boredom.  What else can we do for a transcendent, all powerful, infinite being but provide entertainment.  Why try and create an endless list of insignificant reasons, when really each of those is merely god’s opinion, and I feel that his opinion is no more important than anyone else’s. Why should it, if he is only important to other beings, and we seem to feel that his assessment of us stands above anyone else’s, there appears to be a circular train of thought, and ultimately, neither have a purpose.  If he really was complete, he would be independent, but he is neither, and so here we are.  Also there is no reason to trust what he says, if he really has such a self esteem problem, how is not possible that there may be others, far worse than that.  This makes a great deal of sense, when we all come to grips with the fact that he has existed in this state of mind for countless eons.

     There is really a great deal more to speak of, I only scratched the surface of the tip of the iceberg.  For example: why is life so horrible, yet why is it so unexciting? Is there any particular reason for our lives to be so completely problematic?  If god alone knows the ultimate meaning, well actually, what are his reasons for keeping it for himself, the selfish bastard?  If he won’t divulge the meaning of life, doesn’t that mean that he only wants us to suffer, or to use us as puppets as (once again) his enjoyment, his meaningless satisfaction?  The answers are none, and yes, is that order; I’m convinced of this because of several passages within the Bible, most prominently Ecclesiastes 2:17, and Luke 6:43-45.  One is Solomon’s seeing that all things done under the sun are meaningless, a fact that is very obvious, yet all eternity springs forth from this corrupted seed.  The latter is a metaphoric passage from the Sermon on the Mount, uttered from the lips of Jesus himself, “A good tree bears only good fruit, and a bad tree bears only bad fruit.  Do you pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briars? The good man produces good things from the good stored up within his heart, and the evil man does so from the evil stored up in his heart. It is from the overflow of the heart that the mouth speaks.”  I base all of my disbelief on that one passage, for the plain and simple reason that evil was never satisfyingly explained; its origin, nor how it influenced anyone or anything. 

     The whole statement means that nature is greater than god, for he is ruled by his own intrinsic characteristics, that being not to sin, and yet there is a humongous discrepancy of how the whole of reality got started in the first place.  The second half is storage, the idea that things can, and are deposited into the hearts of men, virtues and evils, garbage in, garbage out.  That is a no-brainer also, just by assuming that we can take Jesus’ words at face value, a problem that doesn’t present itself here, as there is no poetic symbols nor are there indicants that there should be made noted the intent of what was stated, nonetheless we run headlong into the issue of beginnings, of who first invested evil into his “children”, so to speak, and must challenge the unending wisdom of he who knows everything on who exactly should be his primary concern.  It obviously isn’t satan, for was merely a tool, he was being used by unholy powers that extended beyond him; after all, in Paradise, why would anyone even begin to think of how it could be better?  If everything you own is red, why would you think of how to make it more red, and end up painting it all tope?  I can see why someone would prefer tope (they say it is soothing, as apposed to red), but confusing the two would obviously indicate a very real vision problem.  Satan’s eyes were broken, he was handicapped, and so how is it his fault?  To me it seems a whole lot like a defect, an inborn condition; these things are god’s line of work. 

     Doesn’t it all seem rather peculiar that while the entire focus of the Bible is the supposed justice of righteousness conquering villainy, there is no point at which this was started, unless evil itself wasn’t deemed a hazard until it brainwashed a third of his standing army (for what, anyway?) the most obvious being the prince of darkness, Satan.  But if he is the prince, who is the king, while the trinity share the crown of emperor? If all of god’s creations were a perfect representation of his existence, they couldn’t have sinned; it would be against their nature, as grapes from thorn bushes and such.  Even the esteemed Dr. R. C. Sprool, a Christian theologian, writer of Now That’s a Good Question, one of a large amount of other texts devoted entirely to the answering of such considerations, fails to see how it is possible; even though it his passionate joy to learn the ways of god, he does not come to any sensible answers regarding the origin and powers of evil.  I remain unimpressed by this, and so have understood these passages as I see fit.  It would

therefore seem plausible that in an effort to amuse/distract himself, he created a real life soap opera; seeing as how this is the only way to get any cake, let alone eat it, even if it’s fruitcake.  I don’t like fruitcake, and this is why I am an atheist four to five days a week, I would rather eat actual fruit, or actual cake

     And so, this is how I came to the conclusion of god being a journeyman through time, attempting to be and do absolutely everything, in order to establish his right as the omnipotent, all wise, omnipresent, yet mundane God that he seeks to be.  But, he already is, yet only on the entirety of history, past, present, and future.  You can divide a line into infinite portions, and they can be spaced any distance apart, and still having accomplished that impossible task, it would take you forever to divide to the smallest pieces that are possible, because it would take an eternity of eternities to divide any finite number by another to get the spacing desired.  But what if you should happen to miss a spot, leaving say, one billionth of a millimeter space between any two lines, it would take yet another eternity to fix that.  You see that it would require an infinite number of time dimensions just to accomplish this, let alone to live the lives of everyone possible, through finite durations through finite numbers of dimensions.  That is like that in and of itself, which is why there is no way to make a resounding analogy that would convey the utter impossibility of this, although we live this analogy every day, day in and day out.  You see, for him this would be beyond fascinating, even in the mundane world we live in.  It would be fascinating to be conscious of all of the complex processes going on in my body alone, much less the surrounding space or others’ and their chemicals.  Or at least to recollect on it after dying.  But he is also the god of the Bible, for that perfectly applies to at least one of his endless “infinite” aliases.  And even though the biblical god is infinite in four dimensions, perhaps even more, he is but a shadow of true existence, a projection of one point or several

points; finite mentalities.  Even if he spreads to another dimension every eon or so, he will encounter resistance, from some other form of his self.  That right now appears to be Satan, yet we have yet to know what he truly answers to.  Theologians believe that he will be overcome, and that ultimately is answerable to god, yet there is another force out there to compel rebellion, another beyond our god’s perceptions. 

However, this is a difficult thing to talk of, that his invisible soldiers are fighting a supposed war with other similarly invisible soldiers for dominion over the earth and surrounding space.  Yes, even my ideas fail to embrace this sentiment completely, as there is an entire rest of the universe out there, maybe more than that, and to make the outrageous statement that human existence is at the pinnacle of truth, existence, or anything for that matter, is pure egotism. 

     Nonetheless, it all is an elaborate game, only a trifle, yet the fullness of it does envelope one and I cannot completely blame anyone for not looking beyond it; one regrets doing so in retrospect, and it could be an instinct to preserve the virtual value of life, and thus be a survival instinct of the psychological kind.  This is most likely a stipulation for the one who has organized this game, in other words, god.  And while he did indeed create the game, or so it is said, he is also bound by this stipulation.  After all, does god ever actually give reason for heaven or hell?  No, he simply does as he sees fit, even though all things truly amount to nothing.  However, god isn’t the one pulling the strings; there is a malignant force behind him, above him, undermining his intentions and thwarting his strategy. 

     At any rate, I am not a pessimist, and am not a trusting man, so I would doubt that there are only these two players in the game.  I like to keep things interesting, and so it is my supreme understanding that there are others on par with the evil force controlling god’s moves, other mega-deities that he constantly opposes, regardless of moral inclination. And how do we know that a large sum of these so-called mega-deities aren’t under the control of ultra-deities, or are trying to rebel against them.  We aren’t even assured of our safety, religiously, because we will eventually get involved with them, and be made aware.  Also, there is an endless hierarchy of gods, all being part of essentially, an endless game; when you lose a life you continue

in the next, although as a different character with different abilities, with varied recollections of the past.

     So, while others decide against reincarnation because it offends them or because they think that it is wrong, or whatever the considerations and excuses may be, I believe it simply as a far more interesting approach to life and reality in general; and seeing as how everything fundamentally stems from the need to

be doing something, this only seems logical.  If one takes anything too seriously, he is bound to make a fool of himself, regardless of subject or generally held view on the matter.  I also know that, if people cannot see the truth for themselves, as in they are eternally in heaven or hell (carnal, obscene, and ridiculous ideas), a specific possibility that must be experienced by someone, somewhere, than I will never get my point across, especially if I go to heaven. 

     I have the most awful suspicion that I will be brainwashed in heaven, forced to be happy, even though I as myself would never be happy there.  I see this as what happens to one who loses their earthly soul mate across the void in either of the two places, and while it may be used to torture someone in hell, in heaven, you will be forced to forget, and all the tears will forever be taken away, and all sadness, anger, revulsion, etcetera.  I also see this as happening to carnal Christians who reveled in the violence and gore of video games, in the murdering of others, or other heinous things (I’m afraid that included in the above will be anime or porn!); they will be forced to let go of their identities and become eternally brainwashed into a divine cult.  Couple this with the fact that there are graduations of reward in heaven-conversely torture in hell, so then a truly evil believer could be experiencing less happiness than a very optimistic and overall good person in hell. 


     After all, you are supposed to be eternally happy in heaven, yet there is no sin; or is it that you can get away with anything in heaven, because there is no more restrictions?  After all, Adam and Eve could’ve decided to kill on another and commit suicide, burn down the garden, or pursue a reincarnation based belief system, because that wasn’t a sin for them.  Only of knowing that what they were doing was wrong, yet doing it was the actual sin (i.e. eating the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil).  I am firmly hoping for that kind of system of existence in heaven, because I could believe anything about anything outside of the universe I want, yet do anything I want to do.  Simply by stating to him that I believe that he is the ultimate ruler of the universe (he has such an inferiority complex, am I right-“you’re not a real god!”  Yes I am!!![Burning hail descending upon the unbelievers]), again, I must concede the fact that that is a very

distinct possibility-one that I am able to accept (any wise fighter knows when he is beaten) as long as he fulfills his end of the deal.  I have always fought a personal war against god, and have always been on the losing end (except logically-I totally dominate in that territory-even though I realize that it is irrelevant), so, it would be very prudent for me to draw up the terms of my surrender.  Finger’s crossed!                            


     So…math.  How?  I mean, how is it that something could be so completely trustworthy, so unalterable?  A lot of it probably has to do with essentially the properties of the universe, that a triangle will always equal 180 degrees, that two plus two is four, a detriment to talking about the fundamental pieces, because it is uncertain that they can operate in that fashion, because it takes a coagulation of them to produce concepts and even to interact with one another.  Besides, adding, multiplying and dividing are meaningless, it doesn’t do anything to them.  But subtraction, I would not be so sure.  However, there would need to be some way to interact with one another, because             otherwise they would pass right through each other, so a separate Atom would be necessary, meaning that it couldn’t just happen willy-nilly, and the entirety of reality would not fall apart; besides, positive and negative only represent one axis of possible interaction mathematically, and so it would be wise to say that there is in fact an infinite number of mathematical interactions also, each


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