CI 10

civilization-that which is the least civil and yet the most -ized, a horrible jumble of words that are mistakes to bring together, and yet words are still so fondly regarded.

The roots of language itself defy all intellectual examination: symbols and oration, thought and emotion. But who has pondered these things, the origin and course of information, the to and fro of all these things we say we look for in the world, yet never see. We think that we wish to understand the universe, we say that there is knowledge to be learned of each other, we feel the pull of groundless and deep emotion in our hearts, we are [not] the symbols that we use to define our other delusions as well as ourselves, and yet, as we are ascending into the information age (or declining, it’s your choice) the actual ponderings of information, and information in its purity, have yet to fill our blessed craniums!

And if people have had these cities of learning and gathering some things for their observation, and all of these four forms were used to identify with their environment for at least 10,000 years, why is it that after all, we haven’t really progressed in our general understandings? Were the Greeks the closest, oh so far and gone an ancient civilization, so long before technology gave us the time needed and the printing press the material required for such things? How about, in the East, wasn’t China for a long span the most enlightened civilization in that area…? No, India, and even the late-in-coming nation of Japan, none of them have any comments on this? Or is it an insignificant point, to wonder about our existence; are we really in such dire intellectual straights to ignore the bane of life, the greatest catastrophe to blight this world? It isn’t about the East or West now, it is about people’s insistence on creating problems, on being hypocrites, even if the basis of all these problems is ignorance. I cannot consider myself cognizant of all reality, yet am I really so far ahead? As much reason as I have at that particular junction to pause and feel proud, I can only laugh or rave about that comparison that is being made: if I am as smart as the most enlightened of the Greeks (I remain unsure that even I am that smart), and still smarter than a great bloody monty of people, then doesn’t that highlight not my advanced form of thought, but my peers and their earthly thoughts which have dragged them back down through the millenniums. I shall make a new proverb (and I quote myself, just for “the moment” thing): “Thoughts in the clouds are light and swift, while the thoughts of earth are slow and heavy, making it far harder to move forward in this race.” {niiiice, I should remember that!}

And while I can rant on about how nice that sounded and how pertinent it is, if people cannot understand this, nor do they wish to, I will ask again (and I’m not being witty/humorous this time either), “Just put the paper down and walk away!” And while I did, in retrospect, tune down the statements before by un-italicizing and un-bolding and reducing the size of the font, I will maintain my cantankerous and hostile attitude this time through! Maybe however, you can roll with the punches and so will read on… do you really have nothing else to do? And for those who do care… don’t you guys have anything else to do, just kidding! In either case, it’s for your benefit or whatever that you read this, and hey, maybe it can be stated to make you look smart at parties, why not? I know I will if I’m in such a mood to do so. I can only hope that my enthusiasm and optimism can continue into the future, maybe, maybe not, but in any case, I will remain enlightened on the basis of all things.

That basis is information, and while our brains were designed to hold and process information, I do highly suspect that this information can be either stupid or intelligent, an idea which throws all intellect into a scrutinizing lighting, as I can see. Also, as a side note to this truthfully cryptic statement, how can something, which is not intelligent, process information using efficient and effective analytic processes, and yet the information that this collates is not intellectual, or is; all information is carried in an intellectual medium but is expressly un-intelligent. The brain is a chemically hardwired computer, yet the fact that it can process lies and create illogical conclusion tells me that it is either an unfinished work, a sad, but hilarious cosmic joke, or that god is a bastard. I could go for all three, and as a general rule, do. Any takers, anybody want to call, anybody want to raise the stakes? I hope not, because this is not a poker game, this is the basis of all things! This is bigger than any game; it is the all encompassing game we jokingly refer to as life!                        *

To anyone who cares to read even further- not me by the way -I have decided to finally write about money and happiness. Kudos to Mr. Grim, I’m not sure I told you, but I guess now is as good a time as any: I am using this topic to kill not one, not two, but three birds with one stone! I actually wanted to put another exclamation point there, but this sentence takes up more space (you have a better chance of killing three birds if you have a bigger stone to throw, and I can intellectually hurl mountains, sorry to the village next door!). And, well I have a lot to say, although a great deal might not be directly pertinent to your queries, like the whole of the entire writing so far.

That’s all to change; firstly, happiness is a very elusive concept, and so many have attributed it to the annals of fiction, pessimists and cynics are prime examples. As far as the general plane of reality and life in-so-far, I could be considered to be a cynic, but this comes from a person who was born into a very good situation but later left to wonder, “What the hell happened?” That is because of my early, and frequent social isolation, with girls, with large groups, with…well that’s all; see, I don’t have as much to complain about as I thought, at least not socially. Ever since my first real failing with my love (or crush, who is to say what is what anymore) I have been emotionally unstable, but perhaps I’m being melodramatic, and I would like to think that I am; and also me and the “almighty” have never seen eye to eye since that period, although I would happily say it did make me more aware of the wisdom of the Bible because…ain’t life stupid? Its either both, or one or the other: God or existence. My general feelings are pulling me towards all of reality, but again, that just may be the stupid person who follows my brain trying to justify himself through the intellectual cynic in me; I really don’t want to be involved with the politics, I feel that they are stupid, as a reference to all politics, whether in me, outside of me, or supernaturally above me. See, even as I analyzed that, I considered that maybe its just god who is stupid, for his absolute monarchy over this small province, this insignificant plot of temporal/spatial coordinates.

Hang on!! Don’t worry, that was merely a note-to-self designed to do two things: remind me to continue writing in the face of adversity, and two, create two other time consuming objectives beyond this paper. Why I took the time to write this? To mostly just waste paper space, because I need the pages, but watch closely (read closely, same thing); did any of those things make my happy? No! Of course not, happiness is all the wants and needs being fulfilled, yet our history, our brains, and the Bible all tell us that “the flesh continually craves more” a truth which cannot be ignored; it is part of being metaphysically impure, our solution is to seek ultimate purity, attained through gains borne onward onto the impossible-to-reach goal of infinitude; humans are now wasting their time to- go right ahead and chuckle –try and figure out what increments to use! Whether or not a relationship is fruitful or not is nothing, what money you have is not enough, what food you eat is always being lost, what wisdoms one can embrace and knowledge implemented are nothing, whether or not you argue the point is irrelevant (but supposedly constructive), and suicide is out of the question, you will only live on in the next life, perhaps to be put on trial by a balloon head who set himself up as “king” among the ants!!!!! I know how pessimistic it all sounds, but I have spent nearly six and a half years of my life pondering on these things in my higher brain; oh how the mighty have fallen!

Go right ahead and laugh again, someone needs to, otherwise this would be entirely a drag. But one facet of my life cannot not affect the other, it only makes sense, seeing as all of the facets of life are supposedly joined by this plane of reality, and in general, all information is related to all other information.

To clarify one more thing, I have failed. Not that I could succeed, and in that case fail, but I am depressed, and it is because for roughly five and a half years I have relived my attempt to break my social handicap -and here’s the catch- not lower my standards. I would much rather compromise, but my cognizant form of intelligence has left me with the inability to do that; I should be thankful, it will keep the depression from spilling beyond my one frame of mind and destroying the rest of my life, but all I can do is curse my situation and try to detach myself from those experiences, even the ones yet to come. To some degree, this is true, and while it (the detachment) is constantly in a state of flux, and I wouldn’t for one second doubt that it is my hormones or something beyond my control, but that is only a loophole that people exploit so that they don’t have to change the real problem, which leads me to “now what?”

But I have stated before that there are no solutions, which is exactly equivalent to there are no problems, which takes us back to the blank slate of birth, where now we are to reinvent our identity in a way befitting of logical analysis and the general truths of reality. I suppose that after realigning oneself with the truths, one can pursue any anything to whatever end. The only problem is the ignorance that is bred within the core of such ventures, ones which are solely a pastime. But life is in and of itself only a hobby, for we cannot assure that value is meaningful to anybody any where, for we are all part of an infinite system, as deduced by simple logic. Thus, if the concept of value is paradoxically worthless, then lies mingled with the truths, and retardations of growths intellectually, and a whole host of other frowned upon beasts emerge from the woodwork. But frowned upon is the extent to where I am objective, all the rest comes from my experiences as a human being -which are meaningless, I realize- and so it is merely out of logic that wrong and right are subjective terms, yet are expressed objectively through neural chemicals, a certain fact that will remain a hopeless and pointless mystery. But, do not despair, if happiness is nonexistent, than so to unhappiness, contentment, and discontent, intellect, and ignorance, interest, and disinterest; all are mutually moot point issues. But that does in no way exclude the purported reality of experience, which statistics say, “someone is better off than you are,” and, “someone is worse off than you are.” Those two statements almost completely overlap each other, thus allowing the distinction without a difference world that we live in, oh yeah, and the multiverse and all that.

To address the money issue: see above. Money is not that important, in addition to the things outlined above, there is nothing. That settles that


Nothing is impossible: it takes far more than what it is to express it, or not, as the case may be. And that nothing be the biggest part of many ideas, like equivalence, money matters, scientific theorems and the like, speaks to me of how little we can possibly know, and at the same time, not know. But that it can be negative and positive on the same depth scale in either direction, the effects do negate each other into nothingness. Like zero in a number line; it is the addition of all the left/up/past/front and the right/down/future/back together, the product being non-existent. Thus the line, the point, the plane, and so forth are nonexistent too, are they not real because it is more than an infinite number of points, lines, planes, and different spaces to create the multiverse. Yet here we are. I do therefore propose that zero be discarded, it is a valueless icon, after all; and to raise it to any level of importance is to use it in a way that is not fitting, like trying to use steam to construct an airplane out of water, both things that should be banned because they are so unlikely. I do believe it is peoples’ fuzzy math that has a lot to do with this. They round things off, they automatically assume that after a certain point, increments do not exist. If history has really shown us anything, it is that there is always more to the story. The perfect example: if history has taught us anything, it is that people are dumb. See, or not? If not, I don’t know how to put it any other way. To say that all things are based off of this concept of equality is to base all things off of zero, and the nothingness that such a number implies means automatically that it is merely a virtual value.

Of course, all things are virtual, yet bits of information aren’t there if they aren’t, meaning you can’t make zero equal itself; the human dependence on a system that inherently has flaws is something which allows room for different occurrences. Eloquently put by the Puppet Master (a fitting character to quote from Ghost in the shell, seeing as he is a creature created from the seas of information itself), “Life perpetuates itself though diversity…Why continually repeat this cycle? Simply to survive by avoiding the weaknesses of an unchanging system.”

It would be wise not to take every aspect of this heavily, not unless you wish to immerse yourself into the animated perfectionism of these Japanese cartoons. It has been said that Japan is a country of perfectionism, and perfectionists; it is also not so surprising therefore, that suicide is at the highest in that place, a tragedy if only for biological reasons. Also, I guess they aren’t going to come here and try to improve our country, what a shame. Oh well, if I become wealthy enough, maybe I can live their, or not. Diversity is what allows survival, at any rate, simply by staving off the want of suicide, an ironic twist of fate that the Land of the Rising Sun would be the place where contemplating the Setting Sun would be most common. Perhaps they only want to know about everything, as per their perfectionist idealism; it seems rational, if not necessarily logical. Yes, I am totally into the stuff, even if it does at times strike me as constantly juvenile, as a ploy to enlighten the unreachable mind of a teenager. It is a ploy which would seem always to fail, evidenced to by the statements that con-goers have made. Oh well, life itself is only just a hobby, right?                 


So, in not-so-much-a conclusion, what?! What the hell do you people want from me? Is it really so unrealistic to verify the fact that I’m human, and that I can, and will err? Would it really hurt you so much to exercise the most beneficial body part you have, and not pass the proverbial buck to someone else? After all, we are all exactly the same, are we not, in function, or lack of; and meaning, or lack of, which would define us as a singular entity, and therefore, of one pure mind state? If it wouldn’t, I would need to see some proof beyond circumstance or statistic, which there is none of, as evidenced by implications of fundamental information of logical construct.

I have for the better part, left out my experiences as an individual, for my mind would have it that I focus on the much more necessary components of reality beyond the self, an implication of the reality of the number infinity that has slipped through the cracks in time and space, therefore also human consciousness. I have reason to believe that I have seen this mysterious mannerism’s coattails swishing out of existence in this pitiable realm, one dominated by a deep lack of interest in other affairs beyond the human or human-eske. Oh well, we shall dissipate into the nothingness of anything or something if everything keeps up on its present course, which is in no small way beneficial to us small minded sentients. After all, there is an infinite likelihood that the truth will be known, although it may only be the swishing of its cloak around the  

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