CU 02

Indefinite Tragedy              Rick Stephens                        



Aaaaaaaaaaaah, those were the days.  Days were i [there, how’s it feel to be belittled, (ha ha; it’s not funny, so don’t laugh)-…-{about the same really}-Oh yeah, another comedian, hmph! (sulking)] felt more alive, more whole; there seemed never to be a shortage of what to say.  i still stand by that quote which i now feel with completely resolute faith to be a proverb: “memory and imagination are but one thing, which for diverse considerations have diverse names.”  That’s an untouchable. 

Yes, the title is the same as a poor essay previously written by me, but trust me, Mr. Townsend, this will be much better. Unconstrained by grammar, by time (for the most part) by well, anything but my lack of topic anymore (that and those mother fuckers who want me censored!!!) this should be very interesting, maybe intellectual, but mostly violent.  Yay violence!  Don’t worry, it’s an excerpt, or is it (evil laughter in the shadows, or maybe just misunderstood?)  That perhaps, is for you to decide.) At this point i again advise the abandonment of the precepts “maybe” or “perhaps”.  i realize that it was suggested before the 1st page was done that I made note of that, while in the last Collection of Inspired Works, it was the end of the first installment, or 3 pages.  This is the Collection of Uninspired Works, or Part II, not Gg, but in fact, II.  These collections span over 200 pages (i predict {and man-boy from future concurs}).  i expect to get a confirmation from future boy, you remember him, right mister Townsend; not a very important character, made some small corrections {hey!![oh by the way, I’ll be using these as my calling card for easier verification of my identity, in the future, which is, of course, compound future, speaking from the future and talking about my own…you get the picture.  Anyway, yeah.]  I’m important; don’t try to invalidate my existence!  And don’t talk about me as if I’m not here, either.}. 

Regardless, you should probably keep a couple of the different drafts, and really look at the bizarre construction of my thoughts, if you can really even see the real form. This becomes rather difficult, especially because of my love affair with parenthetical phrasing (love it to death), but it is a challenge that would underscore a lot of truths that i normally wouldn’t reveal, or am censored into not revealing.  And the only reason i would say anything like that is because i feel it to be beyond your capabilities.  i mean that in the utmost respect, because, even a month from now, i most likely couldn’t unravel the maze of syntactical loopholes and come up with a chronological basis for my then current understanding.  This highlights a different spin that you may use to do this seemingly endless task with some trace of complacency: helping someone really get at what he is, in a world where many issues are at this nexus of the self, understanding at least an illusory piece of the manifest cipher of why i would believe in what i do (or did). 

Ah, nice to see myself talking like that again.  i’ve become rather wrapped up in mundane things of late, and that may be because i’ve found the ultimate idea, element, atom, or what you may call it; anyway, these social things i know aren’t truly worthy of chronicling  in this collection, because, to be honest, i’m not at all important, i just think up wise things, or true things.  Maybe it is a task given particularly to me because of my extreme slant of perspective, or the fact that my perspective has survived regular contortions and always seems to be bending at unnatural angles.  Of course, this is from my perspective on the comparisons that could be made about my worldview versus another, and my lens could be warped, which, paradoxically, might lead me to think this way.  Maybe i don’t give myself enough credit, when i call myself a con or an ordinary person, or perhaps too much, which conflict with the former statement but fulfills my observation of the role of a social outcast that i seem to be, but forces me to accept some level of superiority, as opposed to their inferiority.  i would rather see that their glasses are less than half empty, as mine is still half empty, than to think that they are half full and that i am more than half full.  i would like to think that that makes me a humble person, but if i were to be honest, then the word “humble” would be a contradiction, so i have either no good character elements or i have some and yet attach hypocrisy to them as well.  This is one point where i am glad i refuse to be the same as i think that the others are, full of lies and delusions.  My on-the-other-handedness demands that i may just be able to gloss all this over by revealing my niche in society.  That is, if such a sanctuary exists.             


Now, to what do i owe this honor, to express my deepest thoughts and emotions?  i must insist, fate.  If it weren’t for the basic fact that all things are, even though fundamentally they all exist in the exact same form, then i would have to resort to an unimaginably clever witless thought exorcise.  Such is the form man has lovingly dubbed god.  I know, such extreme blasphemy is counteracted by the assumed verity of the Bible and the implacable annoyance of its featherbrained following, but, as i have just got done saying, the Christians are an ignorant class of people.  But alas, people are an ignorant class of people.  Well, that is true, except for the pot smoking Greeks, vicious Aztecs, and the remote East, which, of the three, retains the best record of sophistication; however, the ages of enlightenment and the societies that heralded them are aptly, ages ago.  i cannot say, even in such times, whether or not apostasy was prevalent among the followers of the various religions, and am speaking from the advantage of a common, White-American-male-of-the-middle-class layperson, which, it would appear, is a vanishing race.  But that is not the present.

Man is the one on trial here, asked to pay the price for the unspeakable acts of casual or radical obliviousness.  It is an ancient trial, one that begun before man was even so much as an idea.  The final sentence has yet to be delivered, and in fact, the litigation may never cease; i certainly hope not, the final judgment won’t be a happy time.  i defend humanity, even as i hold them in the utmost contempt, but the job description begs that i make some argument as to their protection.  i do not lay down at the insurmountable material and circumstantial evidence, but apply liberal amounts of logic to the solution.  The solution being this: man is an ignorant creature.  An undeniable and inescapable fact of life, but the term creature evokes some sense of empathy.  It cannot be ignored; man has always been ignorant, of everything.  Even in the beginning, man was stupid.  He always fell from grace, from the godhead to the base of the food chain, surviving only by the skin of our heads.  The leftover intelligence from our previous perfection serves us to this day.  But perfection cannot spoil, such as gold cannot rust, it is as simple as the basic nature of the true sense of perfection.  And perfection begets perfection, not a lesser form of it, but an equal if not different form.  “A tree is made known by its fruit.”  That is, unless there is no such ideal as perfection, in essence as utopia: ‘nowhere’. 

I could extend my faith a little, but logic can never be at ends with faith, blatantly and eternally.  Men can be raised from the dead, it takes some innovation sure, and the concept is halfway to reality in Frankenstein.  Water can turn into wine, but it is a rather impressive bit of alchemy.  But never, never can something be at odds with what it creates, nor can it change itself metaphysically.  Assuming that even here, i were to extend some faith to god, and to assume that he is the only one capable of this, he would only be replacing intrinsic properties that he himself awakened.  God is good, perfect, and just, and would never design man to sin, or anything that he created would not have the ability to defy him, not out of obligation, but because they simply wouldn’t want to.  A good tree bears good fruit, because a tree does not know any other fruit than the one it was born to produce; it is not even a question of free will.  I fear the same is true of the parable of the scattered seed.  The argument in Romans goes: “we were saved from our darker instinct”.  The power of absolute change is illustrated in the raising of Lazarus, and the dramatic change from water to wine.  But, you see, those demonstrations here were impressive, but not duplicable in those times, not in their wildest dreams; that a clear statement of Christ’s awesome saving power, saving from the dark, unbreakable bond of mankind to sin, a natural affliction.  However, god would not create evil, nor would he allow any to be succumbed by it, to do so

is pathetic stewardship.  It flies right in the face of justice, to arbitrarily create a force and allow it to work on someone. Then turn and scorn them for being evil; that is beneath even Satan.  Even Satan would not try to undermine his own efforts to steal, kill, and destroy, despite the true sense of destruction always turns backward upon itself.                                                               *

i have ignored the basic reason for my journal this time through, which is to expound upon the principals mentioned in the previous, though, not of course, strictly previous subject matter.  In this discourse, i will contrast my recent essay on “Why” with my previous statements, which are in the first three pages of my previous Work.  However, due to the lack of said material, I will be forced to wait until further notice.


In fact, due to my lack of any other topic at the moment, i will have to talk about something else: that being the incredible chance of things as they are, to the smallest detail.  No, it is not a large one, but consider this:  if the universe was, instead of the projected 15 billion light years across (a staggering vastness – 68, 558, 440, 970, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 cubic miles – a very rough estimate), but rather, even 10 times that, it would correspond to 1000 cubic miles more; going further to 1000-a million cubic miles.

This very issue is called the horizon problem, and the cause is the age of the universe, and the expansion of space.  Now, the size of the universe is controlled entirely by time, because although nothing material can fly faster than light, space (and its expansion) certainly can.  Naturally, the books of reference are The Elegant Universe, and more prominently for this issue, The Fabric of the Cosmos.  However, i feel as if i am not up to all of this at the moment, but don’t worry, i’ll get back to it someday [yeah right]                                


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