Ub 06

Of all the sins in the world, all the horrendous addictions, I would love to say that mine is the least egregious- a fanatical pursuit of knowledge.  However… mine is the first, the first human sin, and in/of a form, the great angelic sin… so am I satanic?  There are many themes and ideas that, upon superficial scrutinizing of Milton’s work, Paradise Lost, I do share in common with the universe’s (Note the small cap) greatest antihero.  But humanity is plagued, and blessed therefore, by the notion that all of us is, in a very real sense, could be Satan.  Fear, or Destrudo, the opposite of Eros (and yes, this is where this will be going, my patient reader), is what keeps humanity in his check.  Unfortunately, Satan is a different name and affiliation in every religious culture, from Zoroastrianism to Hinduism (to which Kali, the goddess of death, seems to be spinning most of the webs {and it is interesting to note that the symbol for Kali is the counter-clockwise swastika, which, as I hear, is no coincidence [the clockwise swastika is actually a good thing to be brandishing, so be careful not to get them confused!].}.  Douglas Adams and Dean Koontz are the duo of spiders spinning the synapses in my writing brain; and so should receive every scrap of negative publicity for my bad writing style, by the way {or not anymore rather [you might scoff but this is going to break records now- the worlds longest parenthetical phrase within a paragraph, YES! <I do so love my clever, dodgy, methamphetamine- ridden grammatical and memetic cobweb-ery; and yes, I did just do three and then four parenthetical phrases. |Should I do five…alright, enough is enough—or rather, enough was 3 sentences ago| Seriously, inventing new parenthetical indicators, FOR THIS!?  This proves that the government puts crack into our water supply!> Wow, mission accomplished.]; you are going to positively loathe me when I introduce the ‘Echo Man.’}.), all of which seek to define Evil, which then follows, chronologically and conversely, Good.  But as the Bible puts it, good can necessarily exist ex nihlo and without the presence of evil.  It is my own understanding of this metaphysical impossibility that drives me to point out the opposite (“Extremes should therefore be avoided…” more dialogue ‘waiting in the wings’ of my soul {almost induces a gag reflex, doesn’t it, that?  Don’t worry; I don’t indulge in fractal writing so often}.).  Again, Satan speaking.  I may be just pessimistic, fatalistic.  But tell me then optimist, compatibalist, what isn’t fated, and indeed, even taking the pun, which is seriously immutable, and where are we free?  I so wish to find some infinite, lasting, nonlocal (indeed, I am describing quantum mechanical), and irrelative answers.  But all I can find is infinitely manifesting information.  I must concede that that is always going to be the answer, and so may just be convicted of a cop out to Christ and God and all that, yet could not change the state of the system, which is, as of 1960, in Utter Crisis mode.   Crisis had existed since, well, how far can you trace the Western/Eastern schism in religion and culture?  But even so, the current period of humanities gestation is in the final stages, by everyone’s count.  So, should I wait, ‘twiddle my thumbs’ so to speak until Judgment Day, or frantically try to save the Repute?  Alas, all minor sins compared to my egoism.

I have stumbled on a stone of truth, Churchill, and I must tell you not to despair!  If you can tolerate the Dune reference, however, I realize that beyond my own island of pedagogic stability, the Great Worms are thriving, and they devour all flighty thoughts and flitting memories.  I must not leave this ridiculous sanctuary of near-death.  But, from my small mound of truth, I can drink a fountain of insight; I can see and understand the euphoria of my intellectual musing.  Egoism is just wonderful.  But where everyone else seems satisfied with their tiny successes, beating a video game, winning an argument, scoring with a hot chick, realizing and absorbing triviality (yay! Music in heaven.  *shock* music is subliminal? Wow, I like that kind of music too! Britney Spears blah blah et al), I only see shallow and weak relativism, things which are only important to a minimum of two people and a maximum of a few million people.  *Yawn*  How large is your universe?  With all things, people seek to conquer their bit of spacetime, and revel in their small bet wins against the stacked casino odds; I am slightly different in this regard.   ­777 While most are satisfied with perfecting and maintaining their own individual universes (why not just call them indieverses from now on?), which are as the psychic sand grains in the actual Dune-inspired universe, I have a knack for winning big, without needing to ‘cheat’ at life.  I find small, highly resonant microcosms of knowledge, and these special grains are fashioned into a lens through which I can project myself into the universe, and am freely able to realize how explosive consciousness can be.  It is akin to a little Big Bang where a whole mind just feels a sensation of swelling to match the gigantic proportions of the real universe.  As of yet, I cannot say what this really means, but I hope that I will not meet any true resistance hindering this highly spiritual phenomenon…  Satan is sneering back at me from these phoneme, and am dearly invoking his spirit by thinking in this direction, an idea I find truly disquieting to reveal, and what’s more, to realize the potential implications. 

But in an infinite sea of information, reality and fantasy can propagate with great and equal – however indistinct this may be – success.  I do not wish to overcome anything more than my own self.   Yet… isn’t that, in truth, all people are capable of doing, loving and hating the manifest self that is evident?  After all, God only loves his self, when it is exposed.  He is disgustingly egoistic.  It is pathetically human.   (Again I fear, perhaps in semi-hopeful superstition, for my own sanity and wellbeing, knowing the emotional penning of the original text.)  “Others” are always the problem, correct.  Actually, it is the self, ego we call him in the “science of the soul” (literal Latin definition for psychology).  As Lao Tzu said 47 centuries ago, ‘other’ and ‘self’, in extension or not, define each other.  But, to continue in the fashion of psychology and is ironically enough, the greatest trial of humanity,   people fear a loss of definition, the only expectation of Death other than his impeccable faith.  People more likely than not, love and hate the weaknesses that define who they are, and thus love and hate themselves and each other.  What more could be enumerated on this problem, the greatest of all?

Well, it is just an un‘fate’unate condition of our place in reality.  I’m quite sure that there are more perspectives to apply to 42 (the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything), far more than from either end of infinity at least (which is, to the last count, 2.  Really puts it in perspective, how stupid and blind people are).  More than merely outside/ inside.  There is a spectrum of course, and the extremists keep to themselves (unless god really does have a social life).  And just as there are esoteric numbers that are imaginary (the building blocks of negative numbers), there very well could be observers of 42 that  are our metaphysical ancestors, knowing and seeing far beyond what we think of as real or imaginary.  I expect the impossible in such a reality, but not this reality.  There, more was said, greatly too much, in fact, and is forever intractable, irremovable, and immutable.  So sayeth my great and magnanimous Ego.










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